ANS jokes

If Trump was an orphan, I know he would know not to build a wall because he was in one most of his life.

In my locality, there was an orphanage but everybody in the locality was really sexist too, so they had to change the orphanage into a brothel 'cause everybody took the boys away and nobody was taking the girls and the manager didn't want to waste any 14-year-old pussy, did he?

What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a computer? Ctrl+Alt+Delete.

A man goes to a restaurant and asks for some chili.

The waiter said, "Sorry sir, this is an Asian restaurant."

So he stretches his eyes and says, "Oh herro, can I get some chiri?"

I saw a person raping a woman in an alleyway. I decided to help...she doesn't stand a chance between us.

I had a dream of swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it is just a FANTAsea.

Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer, but they only had 2 dollars each.

Christopher got an idea and ran away to the butcher to see if he could get something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys.

"Are you crazy?!" said Tony to Christopher. "We don't have any money!"

"Take it easy now," said Christopher. "I have a plan."

When they finished drinking everything up, Christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth.

The bartender saw what they did and threw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub.

After the 10th pub, Tony said: "I can't do this anymore. I am drunk, and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk."

"How do you think I feel?" said Christopher, exhausted. "I dropped the sausage in the 3rd pub!"

How do you disrespect an Asian?

Give them driving lessons.

What's the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid?

One has a functioning neck.

An Ob-Gyn asks a lady to put her feet up on the stirrups.

Doctor: My God, you have the biggest vagina I’ve ever seen!

Woman: You don’t have to say that twice.

Doctor: I didn’t.

What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?

A can't opener.

What does a gay guy and an ambulance have in common?

They both get loaded from the rear and go...woo woo woo.

What do you call an Iraqi who owns a camel and a goat?

Bisexual.

How can you tell if someone Amish is an alcoholic? They keep falling off the wagon.

What do a male pornstar and an emo have in common?

They are both hung.

Q. How does an ISIS terrorist practice safe sex?

A. He marks the camels that kick.

Obesity kills thousands of times more Americans than shooting does, which teaches us an important lesson:

Shooters do poorly given the size of their targets.

What's the difference between a school in Pakistan and an Al Qaeda base?

Not too sure. I just fly the drone.

How do you embarrass an archaeologist?

Give him a tampon and ask him what period it came from.

How do you stop an argument between two deaf people? Switch off the lights.