ANS jokes

One day, in the Serengeti, a zebra started wondering if he was a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. So he goes around asking all the animals. He never gets his answer.

One fateful day, he dies and goes to Heaven. In Heaven, the zebra gets an idea. "I will go ask God!" So, he asks God, and God chuckles. "You are what you are!"

The zebra gets sad. He walks around and his dead zebra friend shows up. He asks, "What is wrong?" The zebra answers, "Well, I asked God if I was either a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. He just replied 'You are what you are!'"

His friend says, "Oh! You are a white horse with black stripes! Why? Because he would have said 'You is what you is!'"

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

Ten tickles.

If Trump was an orphan, I know he would know not to build a wall because he was in one most of his life.

In my locality, there was an orphanage but everybody in the locality was really sexist too, so they had to change the orphanage into a brothel 'cause everybody took the boys away and nobody was taking the girls and the manager didn't want to waste any 14-year-old pussy, did he?

What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a computer? Ctrl+Alt+Delete.

How did Stephen Hawking make it up the stairway to heaven?

Well, he didn’t; they invented an elevator.

A man goes to a restaurant and asks for some chili.

The waiter said, "Sorry sir, this is an Asian restaurant."

So he stretches his eyes and says, "Oh herro, can I get some chiri?"

I saw a person raping a woman in an alleyway. I decided to help...she doesn't stand a chance between us.

I had a dream of swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it is just a FANTAsea.

Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer, but they only had 2 dollars each.

Christopher got an idea and ran away to the butcher to see if he could get something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys.

"Are you crazy?!" said Tony to Christopher. "We don't have any money!"

"Take it easy now," said Christopher. "I have a plan."

When they finished drinking everything up, Christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth.

The bartender saw what they did and threw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub.

After the 10th pub, Tony said: "I can't do this anymore. I am drunk, and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk."

"How do you think I feel?" said Christopher, exhausted. "I dropped the sausage in the 3rd pub!"

Q: What do you call an Asian paralympian?

A: Lim Ping.

What’s an Emo’s favorite exercise?

The dead hang.

One day, Jim saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. He asked if he was an orphan.

The kid said, “Yeah, what gave me away?”

Jim said, “I don’t see any parents.”

How do you disrespect an Asian?

Give them driving lessons.

What's the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid?

One has a functioning neck.

Q. How does an emo scratch an itch? A. With a razor blade.

What do you call an Iraqi who owns a camel and a goat?

Bisexual.

How can you tell if someone Amish is an alcoholic? They keep falling off the wagon.

What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?

A can't opener.

Me walking in to the office:

Principal: Tell me what you did?

Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was an end portal...