ANS jokes
I knew a guy who would always claim he had a buddy with an IQ of 1.
It turns out he was just looking in the mirror.
You can't put an orphan on house arrest if there isn't a house to arrest them to.
If your kid beats up an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?
What's the difference between an onion and a dead baby? The baby doesn't cry when you chop it.
Why did the orphan cry? Because he was an orphan and he watched his parents die.
What’s the difference between an Indian and an Arab?
One's responsible for 7/11, the other's responsible for 9/11.
How would you best describe prostate cancer?
Well, it is somewhere between a dick and an asshole!
Two cannibals have just captured a man and are about to eat him, so they cook him and lay him on a table. The first cannibal says, "You start at the bottom, I start at the top," so they both chow down.
About half an hour later, the second cannibal says, "I'm having a ball!" Then the first cannibal says, "Then you're eating too fast!"
If you're having a bad day, just slap an orphan. Who are they going to tell? Their parents?
Things you never want to do in jail:
- Never piss off an inmate. - Don’t start fights with the cops. - Don’t drop the soap. - Don’t run away from the cops.
A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend."
The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better."
"Thanks Dad," the son says.
The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."
When an asteroid is coming to kill us all:
98.9% of the population: OMG, we're all gonna die!
1% of the population: Eh... I never had any friends anyway.
Alia: ROLL THE INTRO!
Your momma's so dumb, she tried to climb Mountain Dew.
What do you not say to an Emo if you want them to come round? "Wanna hang out."
What did the egg say to the blender? Nothing. It's an egg joke.
What’s an orphan's favorite game?
Catch.
When an orphan is playing baseball, how come the coach doesn't tell them to hit it home?
He has no home to hit to.
A hand of Pepsi murdered a Coca Cola. An innocent Sprite yelled, "Quick! Call Dr. Pepper!"
Eventually, a 7-Up called Dr. Pepper. The Coca Cola was fine.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
They can't find home base.
How do you turn a Chinese person into an American? Put a bag of ice on their eyes.