ANS jokes
This guy looked down the aisle and asked, "Hey, are those kids all yours?" And I replied: "No, I work for a condom company, and these kids are just all of my complaints."
Little Johnny went up to his mom and said: "Can I have some milk?"
He waited for three hours to get an answer.
His mom finally said: "No, your dad still isn't back with it."
When you get mad, just punch an orphan. Who are they going to tell? Their mom?
Why does a leaf fall faster than an emo kid? Because the emo hangs itself.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? An apple gets picked.
jay Z
Titanic walks into a bar. Britannic: "What would you like to drink?" Titanic: "An iceberg."
"Lizzie Borden took an axe. And gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, She gave her father forty-one."
What Spider-Man movie does an orphan like? Homecoming.
If an orphan takes a photo... Well done! It's a family photo!
Where would an astronaut park his spaceship? A parking meteor.
The popular girl told me, "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!"
Two weeks later, she shows up pregnant.
...
I guess her rubber broke too.
What does an orphan and a banana have in common? They both get split up.
Life as an elevator has its ups and downs.
What do you call a 100-year-old frog?
An old croak!
What did the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?
"Beat it. We're closed."
Dad joke time:
What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milkshake.
Why can't an orphan get offended?
What are they gonna do, tell their mom?
"Luck of the Irish my ass, I just blew a tranny and an engine in my truck both in the same week... Boy it really ruined my day when they found out about each other."
I went to an orphanage and had a yo mama smack down. That's it.
I had to write an essay about Africa, and I failed because I plagiarized the Hunger Games script.