ANS jokes
Little Johnny was in class, and his teacher asked, "How many of you guys are Trump fans?" Since the entire class wanted to be liked by the teacher, they all raised their hands, well, except Little Johnny. So the teacher asks, "Why are you being different again, Johnny?" So Little Johnny says, "Well, because I'm a Democrat. My mom is a Democrat, and my dad is a Democrat, so I'm a Democrat!" So then the teacher responds with, "Well, what if your mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?" Well, Little Johnny says, "A Trump fan!"
A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him. Everyone else in the room stops to listen:
Man: Hello? Woman: Hi honey, it's me. Are you at the club? Man: Yes. Woman: I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man: Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman: I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man: How much? Woman: $90,000. Man: Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman: Great! Oh, and one more thing... I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market... they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man: I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman: OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man: I love you to.
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.
The man turns around and says: “Anyone know whose phone this is?”
What’s the difference between an alligator and a child?
You can’t abuse an alligator.
What does Earl Bradley and an Xbox have in common?
They both get turned on by children.
What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?
Little boys turn them on.
I went to see my dentist, and she warned me it was going to hurt. Then, she told me she was having an affair with my husband. Good news though...the cleaning didn't hurt.
Life as an elevator has its ups and downs.
What do you call a 100-year-old frog?
An old croak!
What do you call an arrow pointing the wrong way?
A Disap point ment.
What do you call an Iraqi swimming in the water?
A bath bomb.
What's an orphan's least favorite film? Family Guy.
Did you know that new Teslas don't come with the new car smell?
They come with an Elon Musk.
I did a knock knock joke to an orphan. I said, "Knock knock." He said, "Who is there?" And I said, "Not your parents."
What type of cookie has an orphan never had? Home made cookies ;)
What's an orphan's least favorite store?
Family Dollar.
I joined an emo class today. The first lesson I learned was slice and dice and let it flow.
A cow is an earthquake, it's a milkshake.
Circumcision is like getting your dick sucked by a male. If you did not like it when you were a teenager, you probably will not like it when you become an adult.
Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction after eating 12-year-old nuts.
What is an orphanage's favorite Roblox game?
"Adopt Me."