ANS jokes
I went to an orphanage and had a yo mama smack down. That's it.
what do you call an autistic police officer? special forces
I had to write an essay about Africa, and I failed because I plagiarized the Hunger Games script.
What can an elevator do that an orphan’s parents can’t?
The elevator can raise a family.
I have a friend whose birthday is on September 11th.
They're going to have an explosive party that will definitely blow you away!
It's gonna be the bomb, and a blast, too!
What does an orphan get for Christmas? Hypothermia.
Why can't an orphan be gay? They have no one to call "daddy."
What is an orphan's family tree?
A stump.
The worst thing about an owl is how they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave.
It's only okay to beat up a dwarf when they walk up to your wife and say, "Your hair smells nice."
Why can't an orphan have sex?
Because they can't scream "daddy!"
Why did Peter Parker take Gwen Stacy to an orthopedist?
Because her neck was killing her.
An American is touring the Soviet Union. A Russian takes him to a school so he can see what it's like. He asks the kids if they like the Soviet Union. All of the kids say yes, they love it. All but one. That kid bursts out crying. The American asks what's wrong, and he cries, "I want to live in the Soviet Union!"
A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”
What do you call an army of disabled people?
Special forces.
If you're ever down one day, just go to the orphanage and bully an orphan because what is he going to do about it? He has no parents.
Mom: You need to grow up. You're so immature.
Me: *glares* Get out of my castle....
Mom: It's a pillow fort.
Me: Why can't I have an imagination! ?
Mom: You're almost 19 years old.
Me: Not good enough... OUT!
When God created women, it was an accident. He meant to make a man, but then "WHOA-MAN!!"
An emo girl and a squirrel both fall out of a tree. Who hits the ground first? The squirrel. The rope stops the emo girl.
Why did an orphan have s**? To have someone to call daddy.