Animal jokes
What did Homer Simpson say when he ran over a deer? "DOE!"
Where do sheep go to shop? Shears.
My dad has the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
I lost my dog. I probably shouldn't have named him "rape."
Before Jane, was Tarzan clapping gorilla cheeks?
what do sloths and depressed people have in common? ... they both hang from trees.
What sea creature can add up? A octoplus.
Why can't dinosaurs clap?
'Cause they are dead.
Women are like dogs...
"Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?"
"Can I come? Can I come? Can I come?"
"I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here..."
SHOES
A policeman just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous! My dogs don’t even own bikes!
what do you call a cow that fell?
Ground beef.
What did the mommy cow say to the baby cow?
It's pasture your bedtime.
I was walking in the forest with my gf.
I had a Desert Eagle for protection.
A bear jumped out of the bushes; one shot was enough to put my gf down, and it gave me enough time to run away.
How many dead kittens does it take to clog a pool filter? Seven when I tried!
What do you call a dog that can do magic?
A Labracadabrador.
Why didn't the bear go to college?
Because bears don't go to college.
I like penguins.
Things we all do:
Call the Royal blue tang fish the "Dory fish," and the Clownfish "Nemo fish"! 🤣
I do this too often!
What’s the difference between a child and someone who has been kidnapped?
One of them is a domesticated pet.
What's a chicken's deadliest day?
Friday.