Animal jokes
A policeman just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous! My dogs don’t even own bikes!
what do sloths and depressed people have in common? ... they both hang from trees.
What sea creature can add up? A octoplus.
What did the mommy cow say to the baby cow?
It's pasture your bedtime.
Why can't dinosaurs clap?
'Cause they are dead.
what do you call a cow that fell?
Ground beef.
Women are like dogs...
"Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?"
"Can I come? Can I come? Can I come?"
"I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here..."
SHOES
I was walking in the forest with my gf.
I had a Desert Eagle for protection.
A bear jumped out of the bushes; one shot was enough to put my gf down, and it gave me enough time to run away.
How many dead kittens does it take to clog a pool filter? Seven when I tried!
What do you call a dog that can do magic?
A Labracadabrador.
Why didn't the bear go to college?
Because bears don't go to college.
I like penguins.
Things we all do:
Call the Royal blue tang fish the "Dory fish," and the Clownfish "Nemo fish"! 🤣
I do this too often!
This is how big cats were named.
"I HATE BIG CATS. THAT ONE IS A LIAR, THAT ONE IS A CHEATER. THE ONE IS A POO-MA."
"Lion. Cheetah. Puma. You're getting a promotion."
What do you call a dear with no eyes?
I have no eye deer!
Which scary movie did the bear refuse to watch?
The Bear Witch Project.
Why doesn't anyone play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck?
If a woodchuck could chuck wood?
As much wood as a woodchuck could chuck,
If a woodchuck could chuck wood.
Q. What do they call an ISIS terrorist who owns both a camel and a goat?
A. Bisexual.
Why did the Emo Chicken cross the road?
To get hit by a car.