Animal jokes
Why is the dog having KFC? Because the dog has no friends.
What's the difference between a puppy and an orphan?
Puppies get adopted.
Did you hear about the boy who sat under a cow?
He got a pat on the head.
You look like a cow went through puberty, put the milk before the cereal, then ate it with a fork with a little sprinkle of steak.
What happened when the duck crossed the road?
It crossed the road.
Dad goat: Son, do you know what I like to eat?
Son goat: No, what?
Dad goat: Goat meat.
Son goat: *Gasps*
Dad goat: Nah, I'm just KIDing.
What food does a Cheetah eat?
Cheetos!
Why can't humans hear a dog whistle? -- Because dogs can't whistle.
I met a fat chick at the beach.
People started asking me what I use for bait, or do you want us to help throw the whale back in the water?
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the idiot's door.
Knock, knock!
It's the chicken.
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before, what can I get you?" "Pop," goes the weasel.
They are hairy.
Here’s one for the Aussies: What’s the difference between an echidna and a police car? All the pricks are on the inside.
What do you call a helicopter, elephant, and rhino?
Hellephino (Hell if I know)
Why did the Hummingbird hum because he forgot the words?
What is another name for a stupid fish?
"Dum bass."
What did one male whale say to the other male whale?
"She's gonna blow!"
My girlfriend said to me, "Dear, I think you have hit an animal, there's blood and dents all over the bonnet."
I said, "No, love, I'm not waiting for a Black Lives Matter rally."
Where can a male and female rabbit make love at? The rabbit house or the rabbit hole?
Who is the king of the insects 🐜?
The Monarch!