Animal jokes
Why can't dinosaurs clap?
'Cause they are dead.
A policeman just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous! My dogs don’t even own bikes!
Women are like dogs...
"Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?"
"Can I come? Can I come? Can I come?"
"I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here..."
SHOES
I was walking in the forest with my gf.
I had a Desert Eagle for protection.
A bear jumped out of the bushes; one shot was enough to put my gf down, and it gave me enough time to run away.
How many dead kittens does it take to clog a pool filter? Seven when I tried!
Memes
What do you call a dog that can do magic?
A Labracadabrador.
Why didn't the bear go to college?
Because bears don't go to college.
I like penguins.
Things we all do:
Call the Royal blue tang fish the "Dory fish," and the Clownfish "Nemo fish"! 🤣
I do this too often!
What do cats eat for breakfast?
"Mice Krispies!"
What do you get if you cross a gorilla and a prisoner? A kong-vict.
What do you call a deer who is funny?
Diraleous.
Why did the cheetah get kicked out of poker?
'Cause he was a cheetah.
I am whooping my doge's a$$. If you like, you can free him.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it had diarrhea.
What does a zebra and I have in common?
We both have stripes.
What did the duck say to the drug dealer?
Gimme some of that quack!
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Who.
Who who.
It is an owl!
Man: How do you prepare your chicken?
Waiter: Nothing special, we just tell them they’re going to die.