Animal jokes
Women are like dogs...
"Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?"
"Can I come? Can I come? Can I come?"
"I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here..."
SHOES
Why can't dinosaurs clap?
'Cause they are dead.
A policeman just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous! My dogs don’t even own bikes!
I was walking in the forest with my gf.
I had a Desert Eagle for protection.
A bear jumped out of the bushes; one shot was enough to put my gf down, and it gave me enough time to run away.
How many dead kittens does it take to clog a pool filter? Seven when I tried!
Memes
looking funny or funny looking
What do you call a dog that can do magic?
A Labracadabrador.
Why didn't the bear go to college?
Because bears don't go to college.
I like penguins.
Things we all do:
Call the Royal blue tang fish the "Dory fish," and the Clownfish "Nemo fish"! 🤣
I do this too often!
What do cats eat for breakfast?
"Mice Krispies!"
Why doesn't anyone play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
Q. What do they call an ISIS terrorist who owns both a camel and a goat?
A. Bisexual.
Why did the Emo Chicken cross the road?
To get hit by a car.
Man: How do you prepare your chicken?
Waiter: Nothing special, we just tell them they’re going to die.
What does a zebra and I have in common?
We both have stripes.
Why couldn't the pony sing a song?
He was a little horse.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Who.
Who who.
It is an owl!
What did the duck say to the drug dealer?
Gimme some of that quack!
Why did the cheetah get kicked out of poker?
'Cause he was a cheetah.