Animal jokes
What do you call a dog with no legs?
...You can't call it anything. It won't come to you.
A baby seal walks into a club...
What do you do with a broken bird? You re-parrot!
Dog walks into a bar and says, "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."
What happens to chickens that get kidnapped by rapists?
They get choked.
Why do giraffes have such long necks?
Because their feet smell!
Stop making moo jokes, they're so annoying!
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert?
He was stuffed.
A little boy went to church. The priest said, "Get in the following positions: stand, then kneel, then bow." The little boy replies, "Can you hurry up and f**k me already?"
Why is it easy to weigh a fish?
Because they have their own scales.
Why did the pervert cross the road?
'Cause he was stuck to the chicken.
I went to the aquarium this weekend, but I didn’t stay long. There’s something fishy about that place.
A goat drank my Red Bull, so now it's a Baphomet!
They killed a whole family of crows... It was a murder!
They killed a bunch of ravens... What a conspiracy!
I did just see a blind person trying to f*ck a dog.
What did the cow say to the cheese? I am your father.
What do you call a cow that's laying down? Ground Beef.
What is a vampire's favorite animal? A giraffe.
What is a vampire's favorite fruit? Neck-tarines.
Those two jokes are not funny at all!
Why did the chicken not cross the road?
Because it saw your face!
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
Dam.
Q: I like elephants.
A: Everything else is irrelevant.