Animal jokes
Déjà Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull before.
Why didn't the bear go to college?
Because bears don't go to college.
What did the cow and bull do for their first date? - Dinner and a Moovie.
Q: Why did the first Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the second Koala fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead too.
Q: Why did the third Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was hit by the other two Koalas on the way down.
Q: Why did the fourth Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it thought it was a game and joined in.
Q: Why did the fifth Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was curious to see where the others were going.
Q: Why did the sixth Koala fall off the tree? A: It was tied to the fifth koala.
Q: Why did the seventh Koala fall off the tree? A: Peer group pressure.
A shark can swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark.
So in a triathlon, it would all come down to whoever can ride a bike the fastest.
MY 4 little kittens
What do depressed kids and sloths have in common? They both hang from trees.
Like if your best friend has a dog.
As a little boy, I walked in on my parents having intercourse one night, and of course, my parents stopped and sent me back to bed.
The next day my dad tells me, "Don't worry son, I wasn't hurting mommy, we were just trying to make you a little sister."
So, when I was young I always wanted a pet. I then looked at my father and asked, "Could you do mommy doggy style next time? I want a puppy."
Why do ducks have feathers? So they can cover their butt quacks.
Named my dog Syndrome, so when he sits on my couch I can say, “Get down, Syndrome!”
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To die.
Why did the cow jump over the moon?
Because the farmer had cold hands!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the gay man's house.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
My Llama's cousin sucks at going on vacation.
He just stands there; "I'll pack uhhhh...."
Why did the robot cross the road?
Because he was programmed by the chicken!
What's the difference between a hamster and a cigarette?
They're both harmless until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
Why did the octopus cross the road?
Who knows and who cares?
What's the difference between a cat and a banana? It's hard to peel a cat.
What do lesbians and turtles have in common? They both choke on plastic.
Where do rabbits eat breakfast?
IHOP.