Animal jokes
My dad went out with Nemo one day to the store. They still haven't come back.
You gonna poop someday.
Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
'Cause it got knocked down on its way.
What is a Finnish Spitz's favorite comedian?
Redd Foxx.
What do you call a cow that is secret?
AnonyMOOus.
Memes
Why do cows do it for the mooooooooooooooooooo?
Why did the chicken cross the road?
'Cause he was on crack.
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the “shell” station.
What is a donkey called when it has a hole on itself?
An ASSHole.
What do you call a too round egg?
A prEGGnant egg.
I walked up to a cat and started to sing a song. The cat said, "HECK NO!" then ran off. I follow it while still singing "BABY COME HOME TO ME!!"
Why doesn't a teddy bear eat? Because it is already stuffed.
What's the difference between a piranha and a teenage girl?
The piranha doesn't wear makeup.
Why do crabs never give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
Hahahahahahahaha what a knee slapper!
Why did the ass start a gardening service?
It was great at dropping SEEDS.
POV: A person made you mad, but you're Chinese and they have a cat. "CHING CHONG, CHING CHONG, CHING CHONG, BITCH."
How are infants and chocolate alike? They'll both kill your dog.
Why did the duck walk across the road? I lost my pecker!
Why did the pig decline to go to the farmer's house?
He would take him to a "pignic."
Yesterday, I was on a reality TV show where they locked me up with all those smelly monkeys from the Leger Zoo. It was complete madness.