Animal jokes
If the hairdresser is healthy, the cat is happy. *purr*.
On the other hand, if the hairdresser is sick, the cat is happy too. *purrs on the bed*
What do you call a bunny with a bent dick?
Fucks funny.
Hatsune Miku is not from an anime.
Who did the cow want to hang with?
The udders.
Fat chicks be like, "Am I fox pretty, bunny pretty, cat pretty, or deer pretty?" Like none, bitch, you elephant pretty. 😭😭😭
I saw a monkey outside of school and said, "Look, a monkey!" I got expelled the next day.
What is Hitler's favorite animal?
A dolphin.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because KFC was offering free seeds.
How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.
I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
My fish died, and I didn't do anything. I just took my fish for a walk.
What does Michael Jackson and an ant have in common? They are both innocent.
What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
My wife made electric eel for supper. I was shocked!
Why did the deer cross the road? Its friend deered it to!
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"
"Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."
A cock really has a sad life. He's hairs a mess, his neighbor's an arsehole, his best friend is a cunt.
Two cows are grazing in a field.
One cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?"
The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter!"
What do you call a cow in the snow?
Chilli Beef.
Q: Why did the cat get arrested?
A: He was caught littering.