Animal jokes
Q: Why did the pervert cross the road?
A: Couldn't get his dick out of the chicken.
Why did the deer cross the road? Its friend deered it to!
What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
Two cows are grazing in a field.
One cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?"
The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter!"
What does Michael Jackson and an ant have in common? They are both innocent.
*electric noises*
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.
I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
My fish died, and I didn't do anything. I just took my fish for a walk.
How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.
A cock really has a sad life. He's hairs a mess, his neighbor's an arsehole, his best friend is a cunt.
What do you call a cow in the snow?
Chilli Beef.
Q: Why did the cat get arrested?
A: He was caught littering.
Q: Why did the cat get a ticket?
A: He was caught littering.
What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.
The crocodile just kept saying, "No!" He was in Da Nile!
What did the bee say after the execution? "The criminal has been beeheaded!"
What is a frog's favorite drink?
Croaka-cola!
What's the difference between a gay rooster and a straight rooster?
Straight rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-doo."
A gay rooster says, "Any cock will do."
What happened to the frog that partied illegally?
He got TOAD away!
What do you call a camel stranded in the desert of Arabia?
A Shawarmano Cameldo!
If the hairdresser is healthy, the cat is happy. *purr*.
On the other hand, if the hairdresser is sick, the cat is happy too. *purrs on the bed*