Animal jokes
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because KFC was offering free seeds.
If the hairdresser is healthy, the cat is happy. *purr*.
On the other hand, if the hairdresser is sick, the cat is happy too. *purrs on the bed*
Fat chicks be like, "Am I fox pretty, bunny pretty, cat pretty, or deer pretty?" Like none, bitch, you elephant pretty. 😭😭😭
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was running from you, hehe.
The crocodile just kept saying, "No!" He was in Da Nile!
Memes
Whenever I see a dog video, I just take a second to press paws.
Two cows are grazing in a field.
One cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?"
The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter!"
Why did the deer cross the road? Its friend deered it to!
My wife made electric eel for supper. I was shocked!
What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"
"Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."
What do you call a woodpecker without a beak?
A headbanger.
What does Michael Jackson and an ant have in common? They are both innocent.
How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.
I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
My fish died, and I didn't do anything. I just took my fish for a walk.
What do you call a cow in the snow?
Chilli Beef.
A cock really has a sad life. He's hairs a mess, his neighbor's an arsehole, his best friend is a cunt.
Q: Why did the pervert cross the road?
A: Couldn't get his dick out of the chicken.
Q: Why did the cat get arrested?
A: He was caught littering.