Animal jokes
Who did the cow want to hang with?
The udders.
What is Hitler's favorite animal?
A dolphin.
I saw a monkey outside of school and said, "Look, a monkey!" I got expelled the next day.
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"
"Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."
What do you call a woodpecker without a beak?
A headbanger.
Memes
Why did the deer cross the road? Its friend deered it to!
Two cows are grazing in a field.
One cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?"
The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter!"
A cock really has a sad life. He's hairs a mess, his neighbor's an arsehole, his best friend is a cunt.
What do you call a cow in the snow?
Chilli Beef.
Q: Why did the pervert cross the road?
A: Couldn't get his dick out of the chicken.
Q: Why did the cat get arrested?
A: He was caught littering.
Q: Why did the cat get a ticket?
A: He was caught littering.
What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
My wife made electric eel for supper. I was shocked!
My fish died, and I didn't do anything. I just took my fish for a walk.
What does Michael Jackson and an ant have in common? They are both innocent.
What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the idiot's house.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Chicken.
What did the bee say after the execution? "The criminal has been beeheaded!"
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was running from you, hehe.