Animal jokes
A cock really has a sad life. He's hairs a mess, his neighbor's an arsehole, his best friend is a cunt.
What do you call a cow in the snow?
Chilli Beef.
Q: Why did the cat get arrested?
A: He was caught littering.
Q: Why did the cat get a ticket?
A: He was caught littering.
Two cows are grazing in a field.
One cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?"
The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter!"
Memes
My wife made electric eel for supper. I was shocked!
Why did the deer cross the road? Its friend deered it to!
What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"
"Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."
What do you call a woodpecker without a beak?
A headbanger.
Q: Why did the pervert cross the road?
A: Couldn't get his dick out of the chicken.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the idiot's house.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Chicken.
What did the bee say after the execution? "The criminal has been beeheaded!"
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was running from you, hehe.
The crocodile just kept saying, "No!" He was in Da Nile!
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt quacks.
If the hairdresser is healthy, the cat is happy. *purr*.
On the other hand, if the hairdresser is sick, the cat is happy too. *purrs on the bed*
What do you call a bunny with a bent dick?
Fucks funny.
Hatsune Miku is not from an anime.
What do you call a camel stranded in the desert of Arabia?
A Shawarmano Cameldo!