Animal jokes
Why did the dog cross the road?
It didn't. Got hit by a car on the way to the other side.
I called my dog 5 miles.
Today, I fawn over my miles.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One says to the other, "I blew like 20 bucks in there!"
What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?
A receding hare-line!
Koalas are awesome!
What do you say when a cat says "me moaw"?
The cat says "me toooo!"
Producer: We need to stop testing out products on animals.
CEO: Shampoo companies do it all the time.
Fairchild Republic making the A-10 Thunder Bolt.
A man and a giraffe walk into a bar. The man orders a beer, one for him and one for the giraffe.
After they finish their drinks, the giraffe falls over, and the man gets his stuff and heads for the door.
The bartender says, "Stop! You can't leave that thing lying on the floor!"
The man says, "Mate, that's not a lion, it's a giraffe."
Two whales went to a bar.
The first whale said, "oooooooohhhhhh." The second whale said, "Greg, I think you're drunk, let's go home."
Why did the qack go duck?
I don't know, rhydon deez. 4x2=8
Whet
Roses are red, violets are blue,
I fucked a chimpanzee behind my local zoo.
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the “shell” station.
Why aren't dogs good at dancing? Cuz they have 2 left feet!
What happened to the cheetah that took too many baths?
The cheetah became spotless!
What do you call a bull sleeping?
A bull-dozer.
What do you get when you cross a pig with a dinosaur?
Jurassic Park.
What do you call a fish with no legs?
Fsh have no legs.
What do you do with legs?
Fsh have no legs.
What do you do with legs?
Break!
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lickalotofpuss.
Bird on the beach: seagull.
Bird by the bay: bagel.
Bird down south Philly Walmart parking lot: illegal.