Animal jokes
What did the seal say to the shark?
"Are you seal-iously going to eat me?"
I went to a store to get milk, but when I got home, there were a million cows waiting for milk, so they killed me.
Did you know penguins can fly if you throw them hard enough? Just like children!
What's the difference between an orange?
A hippopotamus riding a four-door motorcycle.
What do you call crabs that do not share their food?
They are shellfish! (ノ≧∀≦)ノ
Memes
What does a squirrel eat? Deez Nutz in their mouth.
Watchdogs.
What do you call a rapper who LOVES to fish?
MC Hammerhead.
What's a cat's favorite instrument? Purr-cussion.
Hey, pass me that crowbar, please.
Sure... y’know, before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home.
Why did the duck cross the road to get to his quack dealer?
What is King Kong for dinner?
Humans.
What do a mole and an eagle have in common?
They live underground, except for the eagle. Lol.
What do you call a deer with no ear?
One ear.
A man is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door.
He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch.
He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there's a knock at the door.
He opens it and sees the same snail.
The snail says, "What was that all about?"
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because on his side, there was a KFC shop.
Why are dogs different than orphans?
Because dogs don't cry for their parents.
What's every elderly person's spirit animal? The blue tang fish.
Magitat?
What's meaner than a pit bull with AIDS?
The guy that gave it to him.