Animal jokes
I couldn't find my cat, and then my pillow started meowing.
So there is someone who doesn't know what an armadillo is.
He then sees one. He asks it a question, "What are you?"
The armadillo replies, "Armadillo."
The person says: "What's a dilo?"
What do you call someone who has sex with foals, calves, and lambs? A Quadrupedophile.
How does a donkey open a door?
With a don-key.
Why did the chicken cross the road to get to the other site? Ah hah hah hah hah!
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I bought her another, identical one.
She just screamed at me and said: “What am I meant to do with two dead dogs?!?”
What do you call a gay Megalodon?
Magalogay.
How come Mr. Squirrel watches porn sometimes?
Sometimes he feels like a nut, sometimes he don't.
What do nerds and chicks have in common? They both have four eyes.
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
What animal howls at the moon and eats cement?
If you guessed wolf, you're right! I threw in the cement to make it hard.
What do you call a cow who's personality is down to Earth?
Ground beef.
What do you call a sleeping cow?
Ground beef.
What do you call a cow that fell up the stairs?
Ground beef.
What do you get when you cross a pig with a cactus? A porkupine!
Why did the ducks go to jail?
They sold quack.
What is a cow’s favorite newspaper?
The Daily Moos.
What do George Washington and a beaver have in common?
They both have eyes.
Dog: Woof!
Butcher: Say less.
What did the fox say to the fire?
You look hot!