Animal jokes
What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk.
Two lions plan their escape from the circus. The night they get out of their cages, they see a lone clown stumbling back from town, drunk, not a soul in sight. Since they are going on the run, they decide to catch one last meal before they hit the road.
As one lion gets a bite of leg, the second takes a piece of shoulder.
Then one stops and asks his companion:
"Does this taste funny to you?"
What's the difference between a goat and a sex slave?
I don't have a slave in my sex dungeon.
What does a nearsighted gynaecologist and a puppy have in common?
Wet noses.
Why did the penguin pull out a tooth? It was Mexican.
What do you call a donkey with no feet?
A horse.
Why did the dog cross the road?
To get to his owner.
Two drunk men spot a pig on some old farmer's land.
And they were real hungry (or so they said), and they both decided to take the pig with them into their car and eat it somewhere.
And so they did, and the farmer came out with a gun while they hurriedly drove off, and the farmer said, "Well goddammit, if it was a pig they wanted, why didn't they just take my wife?"
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the toilet? Because the “p” is silent.
There were 5 cows on a farm, one mom and 4 calves.
The first calf goes up to the mom and says, "Momma, why is my name Rose?"
The mother cow replies, "Well sweetie, when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head."
The second calf walks up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?", to which the mom replies "Well honey, when you were born, a single lily petal fell on your head."
The third calf walks up, but before it can get a word out, the fourth calf screams at the top of its lungs. The mother cow yells, "Shut up, Cinderblock!"
What's yellow, slimy, and smells like bananas?
Monkey puke.
What is a mouse’s 🐭 favorite side order?
Cheese Fries 🍟😋
Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her poor dog a bone.
But when she bent over, Rover took over, and gave her a bone of his own.
This one is for Gwen, I'm sorry people are so mean to you.
All the big cats gathered for a game of poker. Why did the tiger lose?
Because one of his opponents kept on lion. Another had a puma-nent poker face. But the real problem was the cheetah.
What do you call a zoo with no dogs? A shit zoo! 😂😂😂😂😂
Can a cook and clean for real? No, I do not want no rabbit hare in my house.
Q: What breed of dog is supposed to laugh at all of your jokes?
A: A Chihuahua.
Why did the chicken cross the road to get to the gay man's house?
Knock knock, it's the gay man. There's a chicken at my house.
Suck my cheetah.
I lick cows for my mother.