Yo mama so ugly, she has a sign in her garden saying, “Beware of the dog!”
Animal Jokes
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What did the duck say to the pond?
"Fuck Trump."
Knock knock. Who's there? Bear. Bear who? Bear bum!
Jim walks into a bar and asks for a shot of vodka. He then says to the barkeep, "Who's the toughest guy in here?"
The barkeep points to a man at the pool table. Jim then knocked him out and paid for the shot and left. He did this every Friday for 2 months. Finally, the barkeep is pissed because Jim keeps knocking out all of his customers. He then orders a gorilla and puts him in the bathroom.
Jim walks into the bar and gets another shot of vodka. He asks again, "Who's the toughest guy in here tonight?" The bartender points to the bathroom and says he's in there. Jim walks into the bathroom and everyone in the bar can hear yelling and screaming. The bartender asks, "What happened in there?" Jim smiles and says, "I don't know who that was, but when he wakes up tell him I put his fur jacket in the toilet."
Why do orphans like cows?
Because when they leave, they bring back the milk.
What do you call a sad rabbit? Unhoppy.
Why isn't there a sad sunglasses emoji? To show that I am happy but I'm still cool.
Why are dogs different than orphans?
Because dogs don't cry for their parents.
What do you get when you mix a cow with an earthquake??
Milkshake.
Magitat?
What's meaner than a pit bull with AIDS?
The guy that gave it to him.
There's a new bird disease, it's called churpies.
It's a canariel disease, untweetable.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Nuts!
Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know, he can't tell me.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It felt like it.
A snake walks into the bar... the bartender says, "How the heck did you do that?"
Why are chickens so funny? Because...
What do you call a dog magician?
A labracadabrador.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To become the spicy chicken burger at Chic-fil-A.
What did the dog say to the cat? Ruff!
