Animal jokes
An Autistic chef made hamburgers out of donkey meat.
He called them: "Asperger's."
Koalas ʕ •ᴥ• ʔ are booooooooooooooooo👎
Why is a bee's hair so smooth and sticky?
Because they use honeycombs.
I lick cows for my mother.
What do you call a duck on drugs?
A quackhead.
In Africa, a koala and a kangaroo were very thirsty. The kangaroo said that when they have no water, they dig a hole and water comes out of it. Then the kangaroo dug, and in one minute the koala asked if there was any water. The kangaroo said no, and the koala had to wait for many minutes. Soon water came out of the hole, and then the koala jumped into the hole and drank water. The kangaroo wanted water too, so he tried to pull out the koala, but instead, his tail got chopped off, and then they never became friends again.
Where did the sheep get a haircut?
At the baa-baa shop.
What's the difference between a gay rooster and a straight rooster?
Straight rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-doo."
A gay rooster says, "Any cock will do."
How do you get a squirrel's attention? Act like a nut.
Q: What do you call a cranky cow?
A: Moooooooody.
What animal can not be trusted?
A lion 🦁.
It’s not rape if she’s a dead bear and I lost my job at the circus.
What did one alligator say to the other alligator?
"Let’s go for an all-in-one buffet!"
How do you cook macaroni? With a shark-spoon-a-rooni!
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Suck its cock.
Why are dolphins so smart?
Because within three hours they can train a human to stand at the edge of the pool and feed them fish!
How did the farmer find his lost cow? He tractor down.
A cow is at his friend's house for a sleepover party. Sadly, all of the beds are taken. Where does the cow sleep?
On the COWch (couch).
What did the orphan's mum say before she abandoned her child?
OH it's a bitch.
What is a big animal 🦓? A bat 🦇!