Why did the duck get arrested?
He tried to quack a safe.
My dogs pooped in my shoes? Pooper.
What do you call a deer who is funny?
Diraleous.
How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? If you woodchuck on the world with that, you have a really deep in, and he says goodbye. When he says goodbye, you're like, "if you."
Why can’t blind people eat fish?
Because it is seafood.
Why are toads born with balls on their body?
Because they want more attention!
Why are dogs born with balls?
They were having their stick moment when they got given birth, too.
Why did the chicken cross the road to get to the gay man's house?
Knock knock, it's the gay man. There's a chicken at my house.
If you had the strength of an ant, you could lift the pyramid of Giza.
(Ants can lift items 20x their weight.)
What did the skeleton say to his dog at dinner time? Bone appétit!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Terrier.
Terrier who?
Your Halloween decorations are terri-fying!
lowkey "discharge" is an ugly word. I prefer créme de la meow meow.
If a cat or a dog plays Among Us, it will wanna be the impawstor.
Why do birds fly south?
Because it's too far to walk.
What did the buffalo say to the buffalo's son?
"Bi-son."
My cat's breath smells like cat food.
There is this fish, and this fish thinks if that fly drops 6 inches, I’m gonna jump out the water and eat that fucking fish!
Then there is a bear, he thinks if that fly drops six inches, that fish jumps up - I’m gonna run out there and eat that fucking fish!
This huntsman also thinks to himself 🧐 if that fly drops six inches, fish jumps up, bear runs out, eats the fish. I’m gonna shoot that fucking bear.
Unbelievably there is a tiny little brave mouse, who also thinks to himself 🧐 if that fly drops six inches, fish jumps, bear runs, huntsman shoots,
He’s bound to drop that cheese sandwich in his back pocket!!!!
I’m gonna eat that fucking cheese sandwich!!
Meanwhile...
there’s This cat!!!’ He sees what’s going on - if they fly drops six inches -the fish =bear =huntsman =mouse eating the cheese sarnie....
Easy pickings...
Anyway bang 💥 the fly drops six inches. Fish jumps up. Bear grabs the fish. Huntsman shoots the fucking bear,
DROPS HIS CHEESE SARNIE!!
Cat runs after mouse trying to get the cheese sarnie
The cat slips over him (stacks it) cat falls in the river...
LONG STORY I KNOW BUT THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS...
every time a fly drops six inches a pussy get wet)
WALLOP... try remembering all that in A pub pissed. Xx
Fancy playing rodeo sex?
"OK then," she said!
Then put your dick in her ass and say it’s not as tight as your sister’s ass and hold on for dear life... real life cow bow boy shit!
What did the bird do when he ate the expired worm?
He flew up!
Why does the Flash eat ostriches? Because he likes fast food.
