Animal Jokes

I told my kids to smile with the monkeys in the open zoo.

They never got together at all.

Someone asked me what the lines on my wrist were from. I answered, "My cat has OCD."

What is the difference between a frog and a trombone player?

The frog might be on his way to a gig!

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a dog with no legs? No point in calling, he won't come anyway :(

The tortoise was swimming through the lake. His head got stuck in plastic. He said, "Oh dam."

Why was the Cheetah not allowed to do tests?

Because it always cheated.

How did Jenson lose against a Cheetah?

Because he was a cheetah!

Why did the cheetah go to school?

To be a cheetah.

I fed a vegan cock. No, not chicken, no, not my cock, my dead dad's.

I can never get away from my dog, he follows me everywhere. I think you two would be really good friends.

You're like a cat, all you do is eat and sleep.

How do you kill a sheep?

You lamb shank it!

How do you fuck a cow?

Find the nearest Karen.

What do you call New York City?

A human zoo.

How do you f**k a sheep?

Put your d**k in it and face it off the cliff edge. It'll keep going backwards as you push forwards.

I think democracy is a scam. I love men and I love you. I love men and I love you. I love my dog. He won't sleep inside and I shitted my pants. I peed my pants. I smell bad. I took a shower and my dog was like, "Oh my god." I was like, "Oh." I was like, "Oh my god," and then I was like, "I shitted again" and he was like, "Bark bark," cause he's a dog. Thanks for listening.

Yo mama's so fat that Jane Goodall couldn't tell if she was a chimpanzee or a human being.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

I’m part of the anti anime association, but I’m starting to like anime. What do I do?

And for the joke: What do you call a dog with no back legs and a pair of metal balls? Sparky.

What's the difference between a goat and a sex slave?

I don't have a slave in my sex dungeon.