Animal jokes
My friend told me to beat that pussy up... so why is the local animal control at my door?
A cock really has a sad life. He's hairs a mess, his neighbor's an arsehole, his best friend is a cunt.
What do you call a bee that produces milk? Booby.
Why did the baby cow cross the road?
To find its mom who has the milk.
I walk in on my mum and she's in the middle of pulling off my dad's boxers. I said, "Mum, you really spoil those dogs!"
What is a fish without an eye?
A fsh, LOL!
Why do deer stay in front of a moving car?
To commit suicide.
What do you call a funny chicken?
A comedi-hen!
Did you hear about the cheetah who robbed a bank? He ran away so fast he almost got away with it, but he was spotted.
"Brown bear, brown bear, what do you see?" I see a blind man looking at me.
"Blind man, blind man, what do you see?"
Oh sorry, I forgot you can't see.
What did the blind man say to his dog after eating dinner?
"Just ate a tasty steak!"
What's the difference between your mom and a fat female cow...
A female cow doesn't have a dick.
One day a rooster fell into a swimming pool and a cat laughed. And the moral of the story? A wet cock can always satisfy a pussy.
A wife and husband go to a barn. The husband picks up a goat and says, “Look at this pig I have to sleep with every night.”
The wife says, “Honey, that’s a goat.”
The husband replies with, “I was talking to the goat.”
We were so poor when we were kids, dad used to jerk off the dog to feed the cat.
Happy was a cute hippo.
Happy sleeps in the water.
Happy walks on land.
Happy runs on Savannahs.
Happy swims in mud.
Happy takes a bath.
Caesar salad, Jack and Jill, little Johnny Koala,
Zebra, monkey, vegetables, bus, baa, bus.
Wheels on the bus go round and round Round and round round and round Wheels on the bus go round and round All through the town.
Horn on the bus goes beep beep beep Beep beep beep beep beep beep Horn on the bus goes beep beep beep All through the town.
The sheep on the bus goes baa baa baa Baa baa baa baa baa baa The sheep on the bus goes baa baa baa All through the town.
Foxy the fox was a careless fox. She didn't care about her friend Froggy.
Froggy was a careful frog. One day, Froggy decided to teach the fox a lesson.
Foxy was in her bed sleeping when Froggy made her room an entire mess. She got up, and then her mother berated her for not cleaning her room. From now on, she is a careful fox.
What's the difference between a bison and a buffalo?
You can't wash your face in a buffalo.