Animal jokes
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. But, unfortunately, it just made her more upset.
She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Because.
When I was teaching my dog tricks, a Chinese man came to me and asked, "Why were you playing with your food?"
Before Jane, was Tarzan clapping gorilla cheeks?
What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
Dam.
This boy's eyebrow was so bushy, everyone thought that it was a squirrel tail! XD
Why don't Chinese people play cricket?
Because they ate all the bats!
What kind of bee can't fly?
A KOBE.
Yo what quacking lacking? Looking for a ducking good time? I've got some one lines and knee slappers that ought to fix the bill. What happens flied upside down? It quacks up.
What time does a duck wake up? At the quack of dawn.
What do you call a duck that can fix anything? Duck tape.
Do you know pigeons die when they have sex?
I mean, the one I fucked died.
My friend has glasses, and we were talking about owls, and I told my friend to give an owl glasses. I told my friend that it'd be a spectacled owl!
"Fuck me right in the balls, you dirty cow!"
A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks, "Where'd you get that lovely thing?"
"Africa," the parrot replied.
Never search up "monkey with blue balls."
How did the chicken 🐔 feel after escaping the fry cook?
Clucky!
What makes a raccoon 🦝 very rich?
Its rings!
Why are cheetahs bad at running away? They always get spotted.
Why do orphans want to be dogs?
Because they want their own bed and food.