Animal jokes
So, there was a male whale and a female whale swimming through the ocean. One day the male whale sees a ship and says, "That's the ship that killed my parents!" So they go to the ship and blow the ship over and throw the men overboard into the sea.
The male whale sees the man who killed his parents and he was still alive, so he opened his mouth and went for the man, but out of nowhere the female whale yells, "Hey!! I was in it for the blowjob, but I'm not gonna eat seamen!"
Why did the chicken say to the football guy, "You quarter?"
A young boy asked his Dad, "Was it true that we come from a Stork?"
Dad said, "It is, Son."
Son says, "Who fucks a Stork?"
Is it necrophilia if they die while you're having sex and you just don't realize?
That's what happened to my dog.
Two cows are grazing in a field.
One cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?"
The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter!"
what's the difference between a dog and a dad? The dog comes back.
What’s the difference between 9/11 and a dead cow?
You can’t milk a dead cow for 20 years.
Why is the cheetah super good at hide and seek tag? Because he was too fast!
Have you ever observed the depression cycle of a snail?
It's pretty much a downward spiral.
Man: How do you prepare your chicken?
Waiter: Nothing special, we just tell them they’re going to die.
The 🦅 asked the female eagle, "What did you eat?"
"I ate New York hot dogs."
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
An interrupting cow.
And inter-moo!
Uranus is a cow, You may be wondering, how?
Uranus farts methane, And cows do the same.
Here’s one for the Aussies: What’s the difference between an echidna and a police car? All the pricks are on the inside.
*WARNING* THIS WILL NEVER GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD - READ IF YOU DARE.....
What came first? The chicken or the egg?
Which came first? The color orange or the fruit?
Who taught the first ever teacher?
If you expect the unexpected, doesn't that make the unexpected expected?
If you describe something as 'indescribable', then haven't you already described it?
In the word 'scent', is the silent letter the 's' or the 'ce'?
Why do your lips touch when they say the word 'separate', but don't touch when you say the word 'together'?
How many photos do you think you could be in the background of?
The guy who discovered cow milk, what was he doing with that cow?
Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, "Oh no, it's a cop"?
Is it possible to cry underwater?
If two left handers have an argument, who is right?
I warned you!! You just didn't listen.... :O
What do you call a cat with two legs instead of four?
Dead and without use, that's what I feel like.
Dad joke time:
What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milkshake.
What do you call an alligator that can't get hard? A reptile dysfunction.
Who would win in a race, Stephen Hawking or a turtle?
The turtle, because it can walk.
Why are bears' hair so sticky?
Because they use honeycombs.