Animal jokes
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Grounded beef.
What does a polite mouse say?
"Cheese and thank you."
Your mom is so fat, when she swam in the sea, Wales came up to her and said, "We are family, even now you’re fatter than me."
I'm a cheetah, I cheat, duh?
What’s the difference between a dog and parents?
If an orphan calls their name, only the dog comes back.
Anime is good, like for yes, dislike for no. Comments for thoughts.
A dog was in the vet's waiting room and another dog asked, "What are you here for?"
"Well, my owner was looking under her bed for something while naked and I couldn't resist, so I mounted up and screwed her senseless."
"Oh, so you're here to get neutered?"
"Nah, I'm just getting my nails clipped."
Why do New Zealanders have sex with sheep on the edge of cliffs? They push back harder.
An Eskimo was holidaying in New Zealand and while driving his rented car around the countryside it broke down. A bloke passing by offered to help, lifted the bonnet and said, "I know your problem, you blew a seal."
The Eskimo with a shocked expression retorted, "Yeah? Well you fuck sheep!"
What do you call someone who has sex with foals, calves, and lambs? A Quadrupedophile.
What did the policeman shout to the cow running away?
"Get to the ground, beef!"
What do you call it when a cow gets disciplined by her parents?
Grounded beef.
What do you call a cow that fell up the stairs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a sleeping cow?
Ground beef.
What do you call a cow who's personality is down to Earth?
Ground beef.
What animal howls at the moon and eats cement?
If you guessed wolf, you're right! I threw in the cement to make it hard.
So there is someone who doesn't know what an armadillo is.
He then sees one. He asks it a question, "What are you?"
The armadillo replies, "Armadillo."
The person says: "What's a dilo?"
Why can’t monkeys play in the jungle? Because there are too many cheetahs!
Which dinosaurs masturbated the most? Triceratops, they were the horniest!
Why did the chicken cross the road why? Because they wanted to kick someone in the family.