Animal jokes
My cow just wandered into a field of marijuana. The steaks have never been so high...
I met a really greedy oyster. It was quite shellfish.
My Llama's cousin sucks at going on vacation.
He just stands there; "I'll pack uhhhh...."
What do you call someone who takes care of chickens?
A chicken tender.
Your mama is so old that she forgot her donkey on Noah's Ark.
Knock knock. Who's there? Bear. Bear who? Bear bum!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because fuck society, that's why!
A rooster ran across the border from the USA to Canada and laid an egg. Which country does that egg belong to?
Roosters don't lay eggs.
Why can't a dinosaur clap? Because it's dead.
What is a rabbit's favorite type of jewelry?
Carats.
What are you going to have for a face when the baboon wants its butt back?
What do you call a masturbating cow?
Beef stroganoff.
At a date:
He: "I work with animals every day."
Me: "Oh, how sweet! What do you do?"
He: "I'm a butcher."
What do you call a fly without wings?
A walk.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it looked in the mirror.
What do you call a cow jumping over barbed wire? Utter destruction.
What do you call a squirrel that flies? A flying squirrel.
"Meow, meow, I'm a cow," I said.
"Meow, meow, I'm a cow."
What do you call dogs dressed as dinosaurs?
Jurassic Bark!
What do you call a bitch?
You call it a female dog.