Animal jokes
What did the llama say when the villagers said that he had to leave the village?
"Alpaca my bags."
What is King Kong for dinner?
Humans.
How do you make a cat say woof? You cover it in petrol and light a match.
What do you call a teddy bear that fooled you?
Stuffed.
Holy cow!
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”
“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”
What God do rats worship?
Cheesus.
What do fish smoke? A puffer.
You look like a cat.
Why don’t cheetahs get married?
They always cheat on each other.
Q: What are cheetahs?
A: The worst card players!
What do you say when your pet pig gets lost?
This is a pig problem!
I had asked my dog what 2 - 2 is...
She said nothing.
What do dogs and planks have in common? They both have to be walked.
Why did the duck walk across the road? I lost my pecker!
How are infants and chocolate alike? They'll both kill your dog.
Why did the pig decline to go to the farmer's house?
He would take him to a "pignic."
Orphans are monkeys.
Why did the duck cross the road to get to his quack dealer?
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck?
If a woodchuck could chuck wood?
As much wood as a woodchuck could chuck,
If a woodchuck could chuck wood.
What do birds and autistic people have in common?
They both flap their arms.