What is the difference between a frog and a horny toad?
One says “Ribbit, Ribbit” and the other says “Rub it, Rub it”.
Why do cows die?
'Cuz they are to beef.
There once was a woman who had 10 kids. Their names were:
Tenth, Twenty, Thirty, Forty, Fifty, Sixty, Seventy, Eighty, Ninety, and One Hundred.
Everyone but Ninety died. She also had 10 kids.
These 10 kids got a dog without Ninety knowing. They had him for 2 years until he got hit by a car.
Only Ninety's kids know about this.
Two baby seals walk into a club.
How do you cook macaroni? With a shark-spoon-a-rooni!
What do you call a dancing cow that dies while dancing?
Dead mooves.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One says to the other, "I blew like 20 bucks in there!"
Have you heard about the lemming that jumped off a cliff into an ocean?
I heard it was because of pier pressure.
If you shoot at a school of fish, could you call it a school shooting?
What do you call a cow with three legs?
My ex.
I've patched 1,000 roofs, and they don't call you Boris the roof patcher. I've built 100,000 swords and shields, and they don't call you Boris the blacksmith, but you fuck one goat!
What do you get when a dog that is actually a Weeto is caught in an earthquake?
Just like a chocolate milkshake, only crunchy!
An American mother has 3 children. The first child asked his mum: "Why is my sister called Crazy Horse and my brother Rushing Water?"
Mum: "Because those were the first thing I saw after i gave birth to them. Why are you asking all these questions, two dogs fucking?"
What is a duck's favorite thing to smoke?
Quack.
Your uncle Jack is stuck on a horse. Will you help Jack off a horse?
What do my baby and dinosaurs have in common? They are both dead.
What do you get when a cow is caught in an earthquake?
You get a milkshake!
Dad: I get to touch animals every day at the zoo.
Kid: Why?
Dad: I clean up animal s*** at the zoo.
What happened to the gator when he walked into the hospital?
He became Gatorade.
What happened to the alligator when he held a GPS?
He became a navigator.
