Animal jokes
Which scary movie did the bear refuse to watch?
The Bear Witch Project.
Q. What's the difference between an assassinated Healthcare CEO and Old Yeller?
A. I cried when they shot Old Yeller.
How do pigs kill themselves?
They commit Kermit-cide.
What do you call an @EB with no ears?
An Explain B.
What do you call a cold Explain bear?
A brrr.
What's the difference between a gay rooster and a straight rooster?
Straight rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-doo."
A gay rooster says, "Any cock will do."
What has four legs and one arm?
A Rottweiler in a children’s playground.
I took my pony to the vet because I thought he was making a funny noise when he neighed. The vet said everything was okay and he was just a little horse.
My cousin said he wonders why people have sex with animals, and now I can’t stop thinking about it.
Ol’ McDonald had a farm e-I-e-I-oh.
Why do cheetahs run? Because they are spotty.
Kermit the Frog and Fozzie Bear were having a picnic.
Fozzie said, "Do you know where Ms. Piggy is? I haven't seen her all day."
Kermit said, "I don't know, but this extra bacon cheeseburger sure tastes great."
Did you hear about the bull who went on a shooting rampage?
I guess he was a little deranged.
A black cat will be racist next.
This is how big cats were named.
"I HATE BIG CATS. THAT ONE IS A LIAR, THAT ONE IS A CHEATER. THE ONE IS A POO-MA."
"Lion. Cheetah. Puma. You're getting a promotion."
This is how animals were named.
"Bye Son." *cuts call*. What are we talking about?
"Bison. Perfect."
The tortoise can't go out to play, Or sell his house or rent it. For when he moves, his house moves too, And nothing can prevent it.
What is the difference between a brown bear and a polar bear?
About a few thousand miles.
Wanna make out, Explain Bear?
What did the bison say to his son when he left the ranch? Bi-son.
"Captain, captain, the armadillo has been sighted by the lizard!"