Animal jokes
Dogs say woof.
Cows say moo.
Idiots say, "The site will be less dead when school starts again!"
What's a cat's favorite instrument? Purr-cussion.
I went to the aquarium this weekend, but I didn’t stay long. There’s something fishy about that place.
Two Italian men get on a bus.
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. They speak with an Italian accent.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
What is the difference between a cow and 9/11?
You can’t milk a cow for 15 years.
What do you call a guy who loves to eat out a hoe's pussy?
Answer: a Carnivwhore.
What’s the Difference Between a Cat and a Comma?
One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.
What does a squirrel eat? Deez Nutz in their mouth.
Yo hairline is so long, when you looked in a mirror you saw an entire endangered species.
What’s worse than spiders on your piano?
Craps on your organ.
I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.
Why?
The ducks keep trying to eat him.
Why would they do that?
Because he’s pure-bread.
What is the difference between a dog pound and an orphanage?
In a dog pound, people actually want them.
Me: What has two legs and bleeds?
Friend: Um, women? Obviously?
Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.
What’s black and white and red all over?
A crushed nun!
What’s that black stuff between an elephants toes?
Slow natives.
How do asses communicate?
Through booty calls!
Why are camels known as ships of the desert?
Because they’re full of Arab semen.
What do you call an ass on a beach?
Sandy cheeks!
Why did the ass start a gardening service?
It was great at dropping SEEDS.
What do you call an ass that’s a DETECTIVE?
An undercover pooper.
Why do asses make terrible spies?
Because they always CRACK under pressure.