Animal jokes
Me: What has two legs and bleeds?
Friend: Um, women? Obviously?
Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.
What’s black and white and red all over?
A crushed nun!
What’s that black stuff between an elephants toes?
Slow natives.
How do asses communicate?
Through booty calls!
Why are camels known as ships of the desert?
Because they’re full of Arab semen.
What do you call an ass on a beach?
Sandy cheeks!
Why did the ass start a gardening service?
It was great at dropping SEEDS.
What do you call an ass that’s a DETECTIVE?
An undercover pooper.
Why do asses make terrible spies?
Because they always CRACK under pressure.
What do you call a black goldfish? A gigger.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen! Ugh!”
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and angrily sits down. She says to a man next to her “The driver just insulted me!”
The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
If a dog is white with black spots, then it is 90% great and 10% guilty because it half way starts crimes and is a mistake to the world and is punished by the white dogs that are full white and not mixed colors.
Why did the frog take the bus to work?
His car got toad.
Why do you Scotchmen wear kilts?
Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.
Q: What do gay horses say?
A: "Geigh!"
If a tree could be any animal, what would it be?
Answer: A dog because of its bark lol. 😀
I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, Dumbo!" So I corrected myself, "My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?"
What happens when you eat a cat?
I love to eat cats for dinner!
Why did the rapper go to the pet store?
To buy a dog for his bark tracks!
What's a rapper's favorite type of pet?
A rhyming parrot.
What do you call a rapper's pet?
A HIP-HOP-POTAMUS.