I met a fat chick at the beach.
People started asking me what I use for bait, or do you want us to help throw the whale back in the water?
I complained to my dad why he never took me to the zoo.
He said if they want you, they’ll come get you.
What do you call a smart blonde Labrador!
What's a rapper's favorite kind of pet?
A boomboxer.
What does a dog do in a dresser?
It pants!
Why does rapeboat like going to the dog shelter? It's cheaper than a whore house.
Leo is more useless than a HEDGEHOG with ALOPECIA.
Why did the Octopus go down the toilet?
Because he had a toilet call in the drain.
Why should you wrap your hamsters in duct tape?
So they don't explode when you f*** them.
Why is a rap boat like a dog?
They both get off sniffing assholes.
What did the duck do when he crossed the road?
The duck jumped into a pool of ant piles! 💀💀
Why did the rapper become a beekeeper?
Because he wanted to make some HONEY FLOWS.
Watchdogs.
- What do you call a dog that can do magic?
- A labracadabrador.
What's your mom and a dog got in common?
Both will lick dick if you put peanut butter on it.
How do you know the baby's dead? The dog plays with it more.
Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
I can’t watch anime anymore when my friend’s grandpa is in the house.
He hasn’t heard a Japanese person scream since the war.
A Canadian, an American, and a Mexican were tasked by a billionaire with teaching his stubborn pet parrot how to speak within 2 weeks.
They were given everything they needed to succeed, and a large sum of money was offered to the one who made the parrot talk first.
The Canadian played documentaries for the parrot through the whole duration. He spent all his time citing the alphabet and reading stories for the parrot.
The American showered him with the finest food, brought him all the females that he can mate with, and made sure to spoil the parrot as much as he can.
The Mexican locked the parrot in a dark room, barely gave him any food or water, and beat the shit out of him every single day.
When the time was up, the billionaire returned to find the parrot still unable to speak, so he asked the 3 trainers about their progress.
The Canadian goes: "I have tried everything. I spent all my time and energy teaching him the alphabet and reading books to him! Nothing worked."
The American agrees: "I have spoiled him beyond belief, gave him all the luxury he can possibly get, and yet he won't speak!"
The Mexican confirms: "I have showered him with love and luxury as well, tried to teach him words day and night, spent all my time and energy spoiling him with everything I had!"
The parrot looks at the Mexican with disbelief and yells out: "You lying motherfucker!"
I told her she needed to put her dog on a leash, and her boyfriend is still on a leash to this day. 😮💨
