One time, me and the bois got drunk and we were on the freeway...
...when the road was closed because a wild animal species named “The Cult” was on the loose.
What did the moose say after leaving the gay bar?
"Man, I blew 50 bucks in there."
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you."
What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain.
What do you call a pile of cheese? A cheese grater.
A duck walks into a bar and buys everyone a round. He tells the bartender, “Put it on my bill.”
I told my sister to make a noise and hear what she said... "Cuckoo coo chew." #Owl🦉
Fam, you weaker than a polar bear!
What’s the difference between a whale and Lizzo?
Absolutely nothing.
One time, I was making a caramel apple.
When I mistook 1 gallon of caramel for 1 camel!
Yesterday, I was on a reality TV show where they locked me up with all those smelly monkeys from the Leger Zoo. It was complete madness.
One time, I worked at the zoo and I was feeding the monkeys.
And one of them μяɨɲąţ€ď on me.
And I went to the hospital and got a bloody nose the next day.
Are you a dog because you're a fucking bitch?
Why do animals cross the road?
Because it is funny, do you say "dogs" and "cats?"
I have a rooster farm because I love small cocks.
Fat chicks be like, "Am I fox pretty, bunny pretty, cat pretty, or deer pretty?" Like none, bitch, you elephant pretty. 😭😭😭
Why did the rooster go to the train station to get the pizza?
What did the shell say to the shell?
"Shell you later."
How do you get a koala to die? Kill it.
When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.
“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ruff ruff.
Ruff ruff who?
Let the dogs out.
