Animal jokes
What do you call crabs that do not share their food?
They are shellfish! (ノ≧∀≦)ノ
Q. How does an ISIS terrorist practice safe sex?
A. He marks the camels that kick.
In middle school, we had to create words with magnet letters. Some kid laid the word "Animal Therapist". I changed one space and got sent home :/
I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.
I told my friend that there was a tree. On that tree, there were four black chickens. I asked how many beaks do the chickens have. He said four.
Then I said there was a white cat. How many teeth does it have? He couldn't answer, so I said, "Looks like you know more about black cocks than white pussy."
I dated a furry once.
The relationship didn't work out, she was a cheetah.
What do furries and fast food lovers have in common? They both love hot dogs.
I think I'm a red zebra!! Cuz I'm stripped red, iykwim.
If the hairdresser is healthy, the cat is happy. *purr*.
On the other hand, if the hairdresser is sick, the cat is happy too. *purrs on the bed*
What's the difference between a seal and a special kid?
They both go: "Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh!"
What do you get when you mix a grizzly bear and milk? Mauled.
Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens?
When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"
On Paxomedy channel, I made a video of a Rooster and a dog fighting.
I needed to know why they were fighting. Once I dug down into the issue, it turned out that the Dog called the Rooster a Cock, and the Rooster laughed and called the Dog a useless Bitch, and that was the beginning of their fight, and weird enough, the Cock won!
I went to congratulate the winner, but he thought he was insulting me by calling me Zinjathropus, but I said that was a compliment because Zinja was an old skeleton found in Africa, and I am African. I said to the Rooster he shouldn't have fought with the dog just because he called him a Cock. He said that being called a Cock is a compliment, and the fighting was his exercise to toughen up for serious fights with Dogs!
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use a honeycomb.
My dog is a genius... I asked him what is two minus two, he said nothing.
A snake walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "How?"
"Did you hear about the worst zoo in the world? It only had one dog in it. It was a Shih Tzu."
"A priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk into a clinic to donate blood. The rabbit turns to the nurse and says, 'I think I'm a Type-O!'"
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”
“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”