Why was there a, ummmmm, a cow?
.......... To moo.
Animal Jokes
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'll be the dolphin, you can be the jellyfish.
What kind of bees produce milk? Boobees.
Pete the panther was racing a cheetah but lost. The cheetah said, "You can’t beat me, I’m a cheetah." Pete said, "Yeah, you are a cheetah cheetah."
A man was about to go into the bar with his dog when he realized the sign said, “No pets allowed!” He was about to walk away when another guy walked up with his dog. The 2nd man put on dark shades and said, “Just pretend you're blind!” He walked in with his dog, got a drink, then left.
The 1st man did the same thing, but when he walked in, the bartender said, “You know your ‘guide dog’ is a chihuahua, right?”
The man said, “They gave me a damn Chihuahua?!”
A snake walks into the bar... the bartender says, "How the heck did you do that?"
You wanna know proof that cats don't always land on their feet? Well then, watch The Lion King.
I have a fish that can breakdance, but only for 20 seconds and only once.
Why do orphans like cows?
Because when they leave, they bring back the milk.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To become the spicy chicken burger at Chic-fil-A.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It felt like it.
What do orphans have in common with stray dogs?
Nothing, they are both orphans.
What do cheetahs like?
Sports!
What do you call a dog magician?
A labracadabrador.
The little camel asks his mother: "Mum, why do we have these big humps?"
"Because in these humps there is some water, and in the hot desert we can drink."
"And Mum, why do we have this large fur?"
"Because the desert at night is so cold, and then we don’t feel cold."
"And Mum, why do we got these big hoofs?"
"Because the desert sand is hot, and the hoofs save us from the hot sand."
"But Mum, what the fuck are we doing here in the national zoo?"
Man: How tall is a penguin?
Bartender: About three foot, why?
Man: Oh shit, the Bible-bashing nuns! I fucking hit one!
Poor car.
Q: I like elephants.
A: Everything else is irrelevant.
Q: I like elephants.
A: Everything else is irrelephant.
I could have sworn while watching anime I saw an American Boeing B-29 Superfortress in the background dropping bombs!
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was depressed.
