Animal jokes
What’s the difference between a child and someone who has been kidnapped?
One of them is a domesticated pet.
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"
"Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."
You want to know what annoying people and dogs have in common.
The female ones are called "bitch."
My mum told me to take you to the zoo and throw you in the lake, but I couldn't find you.
What sort of movies do cows like to watch?
Moosicals!
Once I was asked to perform snail jokes at a stand-up comedy night. I certainly snailed it because the crowd thought it was shellerious.
By the law, you are not allowed to have a sick bird. That's ill-eagle.
What do you call a dolphin in the woods? Dead.
How does a penguin build a house?
Igloos it together.
What’s a squirrel’s favorite OTT? Nut-Flix.
Where do otters come from? Otter space.
What did the shark say when he ate the clownfish?
"This tastes a little funny."
What's big, black, and touches children?
Harambe.
Your mama's so fat, I don’t know if it is a hippo or not.
What did the horses say to the donkeys?
"Jackasses, please like!"
Yo mama's so poor, the ducks throw bread at her.
I used to have a goldfish which breakdanced on the floor. But only for like twenty seconds.
Why do cows have big [udders]? Because they have big balls.
My girlfriend said to me, "Dear, I think you have hit an animal, there's blood and dents all over the bonnet."
I said, "No, love, I'm not waiting for a Black Lives Matter rally."
My wife saw me hit the best drive yesterday with my golf clubs.
I must have drove that chihuahua 300 yards.