Joke 1# "Knock, knock." Who's there? "Pastur." Pastur who? "Past ur bedtime."
Joke 2# Why does a slug always win a race? Because its components always stop for a break.
Joke 3# Your momma's so fat when she stepped on the scale it said, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number."
Bestie Hannah heard that bestie Iz had a migraine! What did she do? She said, "My grains don’t hurt that much, at least not when the animals eat them!"
A farm full of cows were bombed, and only two survived. All of the udders died.
What do you call a monkey in a mine field?
BaBOOM!
What's a cat's favorite color? Purrrple!
Why can't depressed kids high five a tree? It will leave them hanging.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home!
A serial killer was at my house and killed all my family but me. Why? I was in the living room.
What do sloths and depressed people have in common? They both hang off trees.
What is a group of depressed kids called? The suicide squad.
B b b b bird bird bird, the bird banged your mom!
What is a monkey's favorite game? A Hangman!
Joe Biden said he was going to a petting zoo.
Trump said schools are not petting zoos.
Why did the rhino eat the car?
Poop.
What do you call a bunny jumping backwards?
A receding hairline.
What is the difference between a white octopus and a white squid?
A white octopus isn't in the KKK!
So, a blind guy is sitting on a park bench with his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly, his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guy's leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat.
A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man, "That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit." The blind man says, "Oh it’s not what you think, I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the ass."
Mary had a great big ram, his fleece was white as snow, when on hands and knees our Mary went, his wad was sure to blow.
Month by month her belly grew, increasing in its girth, and when five months had flown by, our Mary did give birth.
And Mary had a little lamb, a little lamb, a little lamb...
A teenage girl got a summer job dogsitting for a gigantic English Mastiff. She spent hours with the dog, and walked a little funny when she got home.
"What are you doing all day?"
"Knot a lot."
Why did the gum cross the road?
It was stuck to the chicken’s foot.
I fiddled your mum last night, she fucking moaned like a fucking wilder beast.
What is the difference between a horse and a rabbit?
A horse can't hoop.
What did the cat say when he fell off the table?
MEOM!
A cow was standing in a corn field. The chicken walked by and said annoyingly, "What do I see here? Corned beef!?"
