Animal jokes

How did Jenson lose against a Cheetah?

Because he was a cheetah!

Why did the cheetah go to school?

To be a cheetah.

I fed a vegan cock. No, not chicken, no, not my cock, my dead dad's.

I can never get away from my dog, he follows me everywhere. I think you two would be really good friends.

You're like a cat, all you do is eat and sleep.

How do you kill a sheep?

You lamb shank it!

How do you fuck a cow?

Find the nearest Karen.

What do you call New York City?

A human zoo.

How do you f**k a sheep?

Put your d**k in it and face it off the cliff edge. It'll keep going backwards as you push forwards.

I think democracy is a scam. I love men and I love you. I love men and I love you. I love my dog. He won't sleep inside and I shitted my pants. I peed my pants. I smell bad. I took a shower and my dog was like, "Oh my god." I was like, "Oh." I was like, "Oh my god," and then I was like, "I shitted again" and he was like, "Bark bark," cause he's a dog. Thanks for listening.

Yo mama's so fat that Jane Goodall couldn't tell if she was a chimpanzee or a human being.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

I’m part of the anti anime association, but I’m starting to like anime. What do I do?

And for the joke: What do you call a dog with no back legs and a pair of metal balls? Sparky.

What's the difference between a goat and a sex slave?

I don't have a slave in my sex dungeon.

What is a snake's favorite drug?

Adder-all.

What’s the difference between a child and someone who has been kidnapped?

One of them is a domesticated pet.

A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"

"Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."

You want to know what annoying people and dogs have in common.

The female ones are called "bitch."

My mum told me to take you to the zoo and throw you in the lake, but I couldn't find you.

What sort of movies do cows like to watch?

Moosicals!