Animal jokes

What do you call a dolphin in the woods? Dead.

How does a penguin build a house?

Igloos it together.

What’s a squirrel’s favorite OTT? Nut-Flix.

Where do otters come from? Otter space.

What did the shark say when he ate the clownfish?

"This tastes a little funny."

What's big, black, and touches children?

Harambe.

Your mama's so fat, I don’t know if it is a hippo or not.

What did the horses say to the donkeys?

"Jackasses, please like!"

Yo mama's so poor, the ducks throw bread at her.

I used to have a goldfish which breakdanced on the floor. But only for like twenty seconds.

Why do cows have big [udders]? Because they have big balls.

My girlfriend said to me, "Dear, I think you have hit an animal, there's blood and dents all over the bonnet."

I said, "No, love, I'm not waiting for a Black Lives Matter rally."

My wife saw me hit the best drive yesterday with my golf clubs.

I must have drove that chihuahua 300 yards.

My dad said, "Where's Pickles, the family cat?" I said, "I'm sorry to say he's in the sky." He said, "Oh, I see, he passed away." No, I strapped him to 20 fireworks!

What did one squirrel say to the other squirrel?

"Stop staring at my nuts."

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

Lickalottapuss.

What did the hamster say to the penis? "Ha, you look just like me!"

You can assume a horse is called a great jumper when the horse’s name is “Polo Neck”.

My friend’s neighbor’s house is a real pigsty. There are hogs everywhere wearing neck garments.

A shark can swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark.

So in a triathlon, it would all come down to whoever can ride a bike the fastest.