One time the dog got bit by a snake, so my dad had to shoot it. My dad said to me, "This is what's going to happen to your little brother." "What little brother?" Exactly.
Animal Jokes
What did the shark say when he ate a clownfish? He said it tasted a little funny.
My pet parrot had an accident and lost both his wings... he is being very brave about it though... he is totally unflappable.
Who is the gorilla's favorite president of the most recent years? It's Hairy Truman.
If mistakes make people human, then your parents must have been alligators before you were born.
This one is for Gwen, I'm sorry people are so mean to you.
All the big cats gathered for a game of poker. Why did the tiger lose?
Because one of his opponents kept on lion. Another had a puma-nent poker face. But the real problem was the cheetah.
What do they feed a gorilla in Paris?
Ape Suzettes.
What does a gorilla attorney study?
The law of the jungle.
What do you call a very rude bird? A mockingbird.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.
How did Gertie Gorilla make the Playboy magazine?
She was ape-ril!
What do you get if you cross a gorilla and a prisoner? A kong-vict.
What is a gorilla's favorite cookie?
It's chocolate chimp.
What do you call an annoyed octopus?
Octopissy.
Why wasn’t the rabbit jumping?
Because he was dead.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because why not?
Q. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom?
A. Because it has a silent pee.
Why didn't the koala climb up the tree?
Comment down below!
A woman goes to buy a parrot.
There is one for 200, 500, and one for 15 bucks.
She asks why the last one is so cheap.
The man at the counter says, "It used to live in a brothel/sex house."
The lady buys it anyway.
When she gets home, it says, "Fuck me, a new brothel!"
When her daughters get home, it says, "Fuck me, 2 new prozzies!"
When the father gets home, the parrot says, "Fuck me, Daryl, haven't seen you in the brothel in weeks!"
What do you get when you kill a brown chicken and brown cow?
Dead chicken and dead cow.
