Always jokes
At school I am always called emo.
Little did they know that emos are wannabe goths.
I always say no to drugs, but considering that I'm talking to them right now, I probably already said yes.
Yo mama so fat, when she takes an elevator, it ALWAYS goes down!
The reason why you have a high pitched voice is because you always sing opera.
Why can’t orphans go on “go big or go home?”
Cuz they’d always have to go big as they have no home.
Memes
What body part takes the longest to decay? The eyeball, because it will always dilate.
I'm a teacher at a high school, but I got fired. They told me I didn't do any work even though I always did a skele-ton.
Why do asscheeks make great friends?
They always stick together!
Q: Why aren't emo jokes funny?
A: They always seem to cut a little too close.
I have a friend of mine from school. I always see them with bangs, so I never knew what their forehead looked like until one day they came... Their forehead was bigger than Mount Everest, that you can make an entire Olympics mountain climbing audition on that forehead! :)
I went to go mine for some gold, but then I saw some shorts.
Friend: "Your jokes are too short."
Me: "Zip it, my jokes are always golden."
Friend: "You're such an ingot, don't forget your jokes are always Aurum."
Me: "I know my jokes are Aurum; it's always because I always glitz."
Friend: "At least I have luminescent" (Get it? Lu mines cent)
COBRA GRINDSET OF THE DAY: Depression isn't real. You feel sad, you move on.
You will always be depressed if your life is depressing. Change it, bitch!
Why is Helen Keller's snatch always sore?
She wipes with a Brillo pad.
The radio is a player—it always gets turned on by lots of different people.
Shut the fuck up, you fat bitch. You always like to roast others, but you can't walk up the stairs without passing out, you fat, stupid bitch. And I caught you breaking into someone's house just to steal a piece of candy, fat-ass bitch.
My wife's always nagging me. "You don't let me have any friends, I abuse her, and I'm always coming back late." So I thought I would treat her. I popped up in the attic and introduced her to two women.
Why will America always lose in chess?
It lost its two towers!
Louis' IQ is like his running; always two points below average.
Why does Stephen Hawking always say he's got so many bitches?
Because he is never around Siri.
Why do the cheetahs always beat you? Because they beet-ah.