Always jokes
Dude, 9/11 jokes always bomb.
One day a rooster fell into a swimming pool and a cat laughed. And the moral of the story? A wet cock can always satisfy a pussy.
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and the devil?
The devil always has horns... not just around children.
You know, people always say your life is worth it, but with me, it's worth-it-less.
You do 1 line, you're not a crackhead. You drink 1 beer, you're not an alcoholic. But I murder 1 person...
When I cut vegetables for my famous stew, I don’t know why everyone in the nursing home is always looking at me.
What's one piece of stationary gay kids always forget to bring to school? A ruler.
Why is the older brother's kid brother that has autism always performing fellatio on his older brother?
Because he wants to find out how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.
Why do people hate math? They always get hungry while learning about the pie chart.
Both man and woman have balls, but they like to play with the ball of each other because a person always loves what they don't have. 😁
I like playing with Yoyos, because at least they always come back.
1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
2. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon.
3. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”
4. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
5. What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A river.
6. Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils.
7. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope.
8. How does the ocean say hello? It waves.
9. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
10. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee.
11. Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in, “mini-soda”).
12. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
13. Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.
14. Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
15. Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball.
16. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
17. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.
Why did the rapper always carry a pencil?
In case he had to draw a crowd.
Men and depression have something in common; they’re always talking.
Why are people in Japan always skinny?
Because last time there was a "Fat Man", a whole city disappeared.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue, there's always someone who's better than you.
I don't like 9/11 jokes because they always talk about how bad of a plane driver my dad is.
The mailman came to drop the mail off.
Me (son): I went and told my mommy that daddy is home.
Mommy tells me, "You got no daddy."
Then I say, "I hear you always call the mailman daddy."
Teacher tests Little Johnny, “OK, Johnny, create a sentence which starts with ‘I’.”
Little Johnny confidently starts, “I is...”
Teacher snaps, “No, Little Johnny. You must always say, ‘I am’.”
Little Johnny sighs, “Yes ma’am. ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’”
Why are orphans always so successful? Because when they're told "go big or go home," they only have one option.