Airplane jokes

What do we want? Plane noises!

When do we need it? Neeooooooowwwww!

Teacher: Why did you throw paper airplanes at the twin sisters?

Me: You wouldn't get it.

"Buy a man an airplane ticket, he will fly once. Throw a man off an airplane and he will fly for the rest of his life."

- Sun Tzu

Why were the Twin Towers sad?

They ordered Dominos and got Jets.

McDonald's has a drive through.

Twin Towers has a fly through.

Why are the Twin Towers afraid of hot tubs?

Because of the jets.

How do you know when your girlfriend is too young?

You have to make airplane noises to get her to open her mouth.

Sorry.

What did Kobe Bryant and Josef Vanicek have in common?

They both won a trophy at least once, Vanicek a 1x Stanley Cup champion with the Carolina Hurricanes, and they also both crashed and burned in a helicopter or airplane.

Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing."

The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this, the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady replied, "Well, when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich and will rescue me first." The second lady, not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first." The third lady who was African, not wanting to be outdone, took off her pants and panties. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, they always search for the black box first."

Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.

Why did the Twin Towers go shopping?

To get some plane bread.

You can give a hockey team airplane a new source of heating, but it went too far on September 7th, 2011, when the Yaroslavl plane crash happened.

There were 5 people on an airplane.

1. The pilot 2. The businessman 3. The Minister 4. The school child 5. The Smartest person in the world

The plane takes off, a good, solid 1 hour in. The pilot comes out and says, "OK guys, I have good news and bad news."

"Bad News is the plane is gonna crash. The good news is that I have 4 parachutes."

The pilot says to his passengers, "Well I'm a pilot, I fly planes. People depend on me!" Took a parachute and went out.

The businessman stands up and says, "Well I'm a businessman, I run companies!" Took a parachute and went out.

The smartest person in the world stands up and says, "I'm the smartest person in the world. No one is smarter than me!" Took a parachute and went out.

Now the minister says to the school child, "Well God has given me a good life. I want you to take the last parachute," and the school child has a massive smile on her face and starts laughing all of the sudden and the minister says, "Why are you smiling?! We're about to die!!!!"

And the school child says to the minister, "Well actually [we're] not gonna die because there are still 2 parachutes left because the smartest person in the world just took my school bag!"

What's grey and can't fly? A parking lot.

I don't usually like to tell 9/11 jokes for two reasons: they're morally wrong, and they tend to crash and burn.

What was the favorite game in 2001? Flight simulator.

So, at school there are these twins. At my school, I folded two paper airplanes to throw at them. Once I realized why it felt so wrong to do it, I had already threw them. I hit the north, then the south one.

I got these two people in my class we call them Twin Towers, so when I heard about it I threw a paper airplane at them.

I would like to remind all passengers that this is a no-smoking flight, although do feel free to join me in the cockpit, where we've opened a window.

I'm a pilot and my boss told me to fly people to New York, so I flew them to New York and hit the towers. That was a tragic story.