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Age

Age jokes

I have a thousand-piece puzzle of the Japanese map. It took me ages to finish it.

But after the earthquake, I just threw all the pieces on the ground, and it's done.

A man dies of old age on his 25th birthday. How is this possible?

Answer: He was born on February 29.

Hi there! My name is Michael Grover, and I am an explorer. Ever since Iā€™ve been little, Iā€™ve loved searching for new things. As a baby, my parents kept finding me in nooks and crannies around the house. ā€œOn the search,ā€ as they would say.

By the age of 5, I had been to every continent on the planet, barring Antarctica. For my 12th birthday, my parents got me diving lessons, and by the time I was 13, I could scuba dive to a depth of 40 meters, as well as go cave diving.

I got a pilotā€™s license by the age of 17, and I learned to sail just before my 18th birthday. Instead of going to university, I decided to travel around South America, exploring its rich jungles and beautiful landscapes.

During my trip, I met my now wife who was also an explorer. For our honeymoon, we sailed around the Caribbean, and we discovered 3 new islands which we named after the cats that I had growing up.

Over the course of my life, I have come across great treasures and wondrous experiences. But in all my life, and in all my travels, Iā€™m afraid I have never come across a single person who cared about what you just said.

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    • A young 38 year old happy Muslim migrant living in Sydney wants to wed a beautiful young bride. He asks the local Aussie the minimum age to wed his yet unchosen bride. "Eighteen," the Aussie says, sipping a beer. "She has to be Eighteen."

    Okay, the Muslim man sighed, with disappointment and walks off. Next day he arrives with a 13 year old girl.

    "Wtf are you doing?" Aussie says?

    "You say this is okay," Muslim replied. "Fuck no, she must be at least Eighteen you sick bastard," says Aussie, flicking away his Winnie Blue cigarette. Muslim man leaves angrily.

    Next day Happy Muslim settles on a 14 year old girl from Punchbowl to be his bride. Aussies jaw drops, "What is wrong with you mate?" asks Aussie.

    Muslim man replies "You tell me to choose 'a teen', 'a teen', I chose a teen and now you come for my third and now fourth choice. Fuck you!"

    Aussie: "Eighteen not 'a teen' you sick mongrel."

    When I was 8, my sister was half my age. I am 60 now, how old is my sister?

    Comments: 30! Give me an easier question next time!

    Yo momma's so old that even scientists get baffled about where she lived before Earth was created.

    Yo mama so old, on her birth certificate it said "expired."

    Yo mama so fat, when she sat on a rainbow, Skittles popped out.

    Yo mama so fat, when she sat on Walmart, the prices went down.

    Yo mama so poor, she chases a garbage truck with a shopping list.

    Yo mama so ugly, she made the devil go to church.

    Grandma: Young people your age are married by now, why arenā€™t you?

    Me: Old people your age are dead right now, why arenā€™t you?

    Kid with Cancer: "When I get older, I want to be a movie star or a singer."

    Nurse: *Laughs*

    Kid: "Why are you laughing?"

    Nurse: "When I get OLDER."

    Proceeds to laugh.

    To all the children on this website, hello!!!!! Hey!!!! How is life treating you?

    (BTW I'm a kid, too. I'm Hayley, and I'm turning 13. My B-day is 10/08/2008.)

    Me and my wife were out at dinner. Me being 48 and her being 19, people were screaming at us and calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.

    Hi, I'm new here and I'm 11. I'm just bored and want a girlfriend.

    Does anyone have Snapchat or Twitter? I can show you what I look like ;)

    I'm 43 and my date is 19. A man rudely comes up to our table and calls me a pedophile. I told him to fuck off, this is our 10th anniversary.