I hate my birthday. For my first birthday my mom gave me my life. I liked it when it was new and fun. Now it's broken and sad and I wanna take it back.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked at me surprised.
(P.S. I am not at that age plus I am as straight as a helix ruler.)
My girlfriend is 19 and I'm 29. We go out to eat in a restaurant, but the whole time I have to deal with being accused of being a pedo, being called disgusting and disturbed.
It completely ruined our 10 year anniversary.
That's not my age; it's just not true. My heart is young; the time just flew. I'm staring at this strange old face,and someone else is in my space.
Hey, guess what I got for my birthday.
No, what did you get? Older.
Is it weird that a milk carton has a date, and I don’t?
I like my lovers like I like my whiskey, 12 years old and mixed up with coke.
What do you call a 100-year-old frog?
An old croak!
I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.
Q: What's the best thing about fucking 28 year olds?
A: There's 20 of them.
What's the difference between 20 and 14?
9 to 10 years.
What’s the best part about having sex with 23 year olds... there’s 20 of them.
Two old people sitting on a bench. One turns to the other and says, "My butt fell asleep." The other says, "Yep, I heard it snore a couple of times."
A man boards a plane with six children of various ages.
After the plane takes off, a woman sitting behind the man asks him, “Are all of them yours?”
“No,” the man responds. “I work for a condom company and these are some of the customer complaints.”
My father left me at a young age.
He was only five.
When the Lego box says 6-99 years but you eat it in 20 minutes.
What did grandpa say before he died in the hospital bed?
"Boy, could you put my phone on charging?"
Why is he called Ben 10? Because he is ten in long.
"My grandmother used to tell us a joke. She’d say, "Knock knock." We’d say, "Who’s there?" Then she’d say, "I can’t remember"... and start to cry."
My girlfriend broke up with me. She said I was a pedophile. I told her, “PEDOPHILE? Wow, that sure is a big word for an eight-year-old!”
