Aed jokes
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams, "Bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied, "Aunts and uncles." Oh. Next thing he hears is, "Dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he knows, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling, "Fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut, Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings, and Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."
Q: What did the skeleton say when he proposed to his girlfriend?
A: Will you marrow me?
A little boy was given a bicycle and a soccer ball for his birthday, but why was the little boy unhappy?
Because the little boy had no legs.
What did Hitler get for his 6th birthday?
A Kewpie burger and an Easy-Bake Oven.
Sister: (moaning) Go get Mom, she'd love this!
Me: But Billy's with her right now.
Billy: UGHHHH...MMMMM
Dad: Hurry up Billy, I want to see you for a moment.
What will you call Burj Khalifa after 100 years?
"Bujurg" Khalifa. (Just a joke)
I am crying tears of joy rn. I was wrongfully sentenced to death. They took me to prison to wait for my execution, but when I got there, they said that I was free. I asked them why and they told me that a man named Penaldo had taken my death penalty for me. Thank you, Penaldo!
What is it about a beard and glasses that children find so sexy?
What's the difference between a baby and a mansion?
I've never seen the inside of a mansion.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, You a dumb a** b*tch, We all know it's true.
Every time I tell a 911 joke, it bombs.
I work with animals!
What do you do?
I’m a butcher.
What do you call a man with a curly toe?
Carlito.
Why can orphans not grow big and strong? Because they need a parent to buy them steroids.
If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program.
The rest of them will write Perl programs.
"Suicide is a murder, and my body should go to jail."
Why does an orphan play GTA to be wanted? 😂😭
How are a bald eagle and a bald man similar?
Because they both have eyes.
Do you have a shovel in your back pocket?
Why?
'Cause I’m digging that ass.
What did the man say to the woman? "Make me a sandwich."