Aed jokes
As you can see here, Jessie is wearing a lot of concealer.
Jessie?
Why did you put your dirty ass feet in my grits without telling me all this?
Because I forgot to wash and dry them with a paper towel.
What do you call a pig in a blanket?
My wife on a cold day.
How do you get rid of a fat ghost? You exercise it.
There’s a noticeable difference between using polish to remove grease and using Polish to remove Greece.
One time I broke a leg and I was using a wheelchair.
My parents thought I was a disappointment and put me up on eBay, the Ohioan Black Market, and the nearest adoption center.
Once upon a time, a donkey was in the jungle. Suddenly, he found a lion costume and then wore it. Then he walked around the forest, and every animal was scared of him. Then he got to the city, and every human was away from him. He was chasing them when he was chasing his owner. He brayed, and then they figured out that this was not a real lion, and then he told everybody about it. Then he berated his donkey.
The tortoise was swimming through the lake. His head got stuck in plastic. He said, "Oh dam."
Your hairline's so far up, they call it a skyline!
At the drive-thru window:
"I'd like a Big Mac without soup, please!"
"We don't serve soup here!"
"Well, I didn't order any!"
If boys are like sports because they are easy to play, then girls are like a sandwich. They are nice at first, but they're crusty after.
What do you call a drivable Hamburger?
What?
A Hamborgini.
Why didn't the movie star argue with the customer service clerk?
He didn't have a good counter act!
It's gonna take a step stool to get a blow job.
I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere.
An electrician walks into a green house. He sees a red room. He wonders why it's red because Kurt Cobain and his shotgun were sitting there.
What is the definition of kinky according to a Canadian?
Giving a blowjob to a man who is well-endowed while he is eating a tuna fish sandwich with maple syrup instead of mayonnaise.
Rachel won the lottery twice in two years. Her friend Jim called her every day asking for tips on winning, just the same. Then one day, simply to get rid of him, Rachel said, "Watch two martial arts movies, eat three pieces of hard beef jerky, and pick a fight at a bar."
Jim replied with a shocked look, "That's what I do after Mr. Tugman shakes my hand too long."
When you start sweating after filling in "C" for the third time in a row.
A burrito walked off a building.