Aed jokes

My friend has a dry sense of humor.

Probably because her body was decomposed ages ago.

What do a politician and a minister have in common?

Both of them will tell you anything to get money from you.

I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. -- I'm not really a mourning person.

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?

Virgin mobile.

What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?

A receding hare line.

if a toy from Toy Story died, the kid wouldn't know, and the other toys would just have to watch as their kid played with the corpse.

If you drop an emo and a piece of paper from a tree, which will hit the ground first?

The piece of paper because the rope will stop the emo.

Teacher: Ok class, I'm going to ask a question about your family.

Alex: Miss, my Dad died in 9/11.

Teacher: OH NO, I'M SO SORRY!

Alex: Don't worry miss. It was only Dad and besides, he did what he wanted before he died.

Teacher: What was that?

Alex: Flew the plane.

One time, I broke up with my Roblox girlfriend by sending her a message. Thirty seconds later, I heard my uncle crying in the next room.

What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common? Once they're gone they never come back.

I have a fear of speed bumps. But I am slowly getting over it.

What does a priest and a wristwatch have in common? They both start at 12.

I went to visit my friend's sick grandpa. He was lying in a hospital bed connected to a lot of tubes. When I approached him, he kept repeating "Nǐ cǎizhe wǒ de yǎngqì guǎn."

Suddenly, right in front of me, he passed. Later that night, I translated his last words, and they were, "You're standing on my oxygen tube."

A man walks to the window and opens it and pulls out his phone and takes a photo. "One more picture and I'll jump." He takes another photo and shuts the window. "I can't jump, you're not supposed to throw trash out the window."

I got banned from the library for putting a book about woman's rights in the fantasy section.

Who can shave 20 times a day and still have a beard? -- A barber.

What do you call a singing laptop?

A Dell.

Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense. Baby, we didn’t spend all that time in the closet for nothing.

What is 6.9?

A beautiful thing ruined by a period.

How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?

Must be more than 13, because my basement is still dark.