Aed jokes
My friend has a dry sense of humor.
Probably because her body was decomposed ages ago.
What do a politician and a minister have in common?
Both of them will tell you anything to get money from you.
if a toy from Toy Story died, the kid wouldn't know, and the other toys would just have to watch as their kid played with the corpse.
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
Virgin mobile.
I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. -- I'm not really a mourning person.
What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare line.
What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common? Once they're gone they never come back.
If you drop an emo and a piece of paper from a tree, which will hit the ground first?
The piece of paper because the rope will stop the emo.
Teacher: Ok class, I'm going to ask a question about your family.
Alex: Miss, my Dad died in 9/11.
Teacher: OH NO, I'M SO SORRY!
Alex: Don't worry miss. It was only Dad and besides, he did what he wanted before he died.
Teacher: What was that?
Alex: Flew the plane.
One time, I broke up with my Roblox girlfriend by sending her a message. Thirty seconds later, I heard my uncle crying in the next room.
I have a fear of speed bumps. But I am slowly getting over it.
What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell.
I went to visit my friend's sick grandpa. He was lying in a hospital bed connected to a lot of tubes. When I approached him, he kept repeating "Nǐ cǎizhe wǒ de yǎngqì guǎn."
Suddenly, right in front of me, he passed. Later that night, I translated his last words, and they were, "You're standing on my oxygen tube."
A man walks to the window and opens it and pulls out his phone and takes a photo. "One more picture and I'll jump." He takes another photo and shuts the window. "I can't jump, you're not supposed to throw trash out the window."
I got banned from the library for putting a book about woman's rights in the fantasy section.
How do you make it hard for a rapist who is trying to rape you? Rub it.
Who can shave 20 times a day and still have a beard? -- A barber.
Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense. Baby, we didn’t spend all that time in the closet for nothing.
What is 6.9?
A beautiful thing ruined by a period.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Must be more than 13, because my basement is still dark.