Aed jokes

A cop stopped a guy for speeding.

He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

"I was trying to keep up with traffic," the guy replied.

The cop said, "But there is no traffic."

And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."

I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. -- I'm not really a mourning person.

What do you call a group of Emo kids?

Suicide Squad.

What jumps and never let's go?

An Emo kid.

I bet all Emos want to be like their biggest influencers some day.

Dead.

Why do Emos want to be the "Scene" these days?

The only thing I've "Scene" from them is their suicide rate climbing, it's starting to climb quicker than they did to get to the top of whatever they jumped off.

What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?

A receding hare line.

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?

Virgin mobile.

If you drop an emo and a piece of paper from a tree, which will hit the ground first?

The piece of paper because the rope will stop the emo.

Teacher: Ok class, I'm going to ask a question about your family.

Alex: Miss, my Dad died in 9/11.

Teacher: OH NO, I'M SO SORRY!

Alex: Don't worry miss. It was only Dad and besides, he did what he wanted before he died.

Teacher: What was that?

Alex: Flew the plane.

One time, I broke up with my Roblox girlfriend by sending her a message. Thirty seconds later, I heard my uncle crying in the next room.

What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common? Once they're gone they never come back.

What's the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?

The fridge don't fart when you take your meat out.

I have a fear of speed bumps. But I am slowly getting over it.

I went to visit my friend's sick grandpa. He was lying in a hospital bed connected to a lot of tubes. When I approached him, he kept repeating "Nǐ cǎizhe wǒ de yǎngqì guǎn."

Suddenly, right in front of me, he passed. Later that night, I translated his last words, and they were, "You're standing on my oxygen tube."

A man walks to the window and opens it and pulls out his phone and takes a photo. "One more picture and I'll jump." He takes another photo and shuts the window. "I can't jump, you're not supposed to throw trash out the window."

if a toy from Toy Story died, the kid wouldn't know, and the other toys would just have to watch as their kid played with the corpse.

Chuck Norris would have died a couple of years ago, but death hasn't built up the courage to tell him.

Who can shave 20 times a day and still have a beard? -- A barber.

What is 6.9?

A beautiful thing ruined by a period.

How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?

Must be more than 13, because my basement is still dark.

What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest?

At least one does something when it is triggered.

What do you call a singing laptop?

A Dell.