Aed jokes
Why can't orphans eat a large bag of chips? Because they're family size.
Why doesn't Barbie ever get pregnant? Because Ken comes in a different box!
I did a bungee jump for charity recently. It was called "spastics on elastics."
A lot of people claim that white privilege does not exist. Well, how the hell do you explain Michael Jackson not being charged for raping children, despite ample evidence?
I tried to get my blood sucked by a vampire, but he said I was too empty inside.
You can't be a loser if you have nothing to lose.
What do you call an alligator that can't get hard? A reptile dysfunction.
I saw a cute coworker and had sex in the back till I realized it is a family business.
What do you call an all-you-can-eat buffet for a pedophile? A school bus.
Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?" The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."
What do you call an ice skating dwarf?
A midget spinner.
"What does the word 'gay' mean?" asked a son of his father.
"It means 'happy'," replied the father.
"Oh," contested the son, "so you are gay then?"
"No, son, I have a wife."
I invented a new word today.
Plagiarism.
He sang a love song to a rat, yet stans are befuddled on why people keep calling their idol "Wacko Jacko".
a man died with an erection. the three nurses in the morgue saw this the first nurse climbs on and rides him. the second nurse dose the same the third hesitates saying "i'm on my period." the others say its ok hes dead so she rides him to. when she's done he sits up and all the nurses ask how hes alive he replies i'm good to go after the two jumpstarts and blood transfusion
What happened to the blind man's son?
He thought he was hitting a piñata.
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? - Their balls are just for decoration.
Teacher: Johnny, can you use a sentence with "definitely" in it?
Little Johnny: Do farts have lumps in them?
Teacher: Of course not, Johnny.
Little Johnny: Then I’ve definitely shat myself.
A young boy was picked up by a strange young man who put him in his car and drove into an abandoned farm.
"This place looks scary," the kid said.
And the man replies, "I know right, I have to walk out of there alone."