Aed jokes
Why did the rapper become a MATH TEACHER?
Because he was good with bars and beats.
I pulled a prank on my friend the other day. I painted a portrait of the backrooms blueprints while he was sleeping. Still had some extra space.
How is tightrope walking like getting a blowjob from someone ugly?
If you want to enjoy either, you absolutely can’t look down.
A: What do you call a sophisticated American? B: Canadian.
A: Why aren't there any Mexicans in Canada? B: They can't run that far.
«A: Что вы называете искушенным американцем? Б: Канадец.
A: Почему в Канаде нет ни одного мексиканца? Б: Они не могут убежать так далеко».
One day I told a kid what 2 x 12 was. He said he didn't know. I said let's go to my basement and figure it out. He is still in my basement trying to do the equation.
"One man's trash is another man's treasure."
It's a wonderful phrase, but a terrible way to find out you're adopted.
What do you call a too round egg?
A prEGGnant egg.
A fat homeless person begged me for food, so I said, "I can see your dinner. You had plenty!"
What makes a software developer feel rich?
Their cache.
Why did the rapper wear a watch to the studio?
Because it was all about the TIMING.
You're so fat you probably apply sunscreen with a paint roller.
Yo mama's so fat, she was overthrown by a small militia group, and now she's known as the Republic of Yo Mama.
We were watching a 9/11 documentary in class and I said, "Man, they are really bad at Jenga!"
Why can an orphan relate to a pack of bananas?
Because they both split away from their family.
“Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.”
Want to hear a joke? Look at the Miami Dolphins football record.
My willy was feeling itchy, so I decided to go to the doctor.
My doctor was foreign and spoke Spanish with an Argentinian accent. As I returned home, I noticed my willy was gone! Pessi stole my PENis thinking it was a Penalty just so he could statpad. SHAME ON YOU!
I went into a forest with my sharp laptop with F13. Now I'm a real HACKER.
I can’t remember if I already said this or not. I might have already said this. Also, this is a true story.
So, I’m walking into a store in Amish country, and there’s this guy with a bear trap. Then my mom’s friend says, "This guy’s gonna catch some bears." Then the Amish guy stops, looks around, and whispers, “It’s for democrats.”
The Queen: "I've had a few medical problems this year. I'm so old that my pussy is haunted!"