Two blondes fall down a well. One says to the other one, "Isn't it dark down here?" She replies, "I don't know. I can't see."
A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks do you have any problems with shit sticking to your fur and the rabbit says no So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit
A German went to France for a holiday and here is the scene. French border staff asked, "Occupation?" The German replied, "No, no, no, just visiting."
you can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands. For example, if she's holding a gun, she’s probably angry.
Q: What’s the difference between me and cancer? A: My dad didn’t beat cancer...
How do you get Wacko Jacko to screw a lightbulb?
Tell Jacko that the bulb is a 6-year-old boy.
If you watch jaws backwards it's a heartworming story about a shark that gives arms and legs to disabled people
How is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
What's the cheapest kind of meat you can buy?
Deer balls. They're under a buck.
Me and a person downtown.
Person: Hey, crazy Saturday night.
Me: I guess so.
Person: Why do people do crazy stuff like this?
Me: I don't know. I used too, but don't anymore.
Person: why'd you stop?
Me: unfortunately, I lived every time I'd try something.
why do orphans hate going to costco because they need a parent to get samples
My town's population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.
When I was little I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike, I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead i just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
how do you suprise a blind guy. leave the plunger in the toilet
If a man says you’re ugly, he like you. If a woman says you’re ugly, she’s just jealous. If a child says you’re ugly, well, you’re ugly.
What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
I’d tell a sodium and hydrogen pun, but NaH
What's the difference between a school and an ISIS military base? Don't ask me, I only fly the drone.
Will glass coffins be a success? -- Remains to be seen.
Why did the coffee file a police report? -- Because it was mugged.
