Aed jokes
Cool kid: I slept with your sister.
Me: Never knew my brother was a girl.
Everyone else: :O
I was camping with my buddy, and there was a fire. We were roasting marshmallows, and there was a vine. I tripped on it and went penis first into the fire, and I said, "Well, there goes your children, stupid ass!"
Your mom is so fat that she cannot look at her feet when taking a shower.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Well, at least one gets picked.
What’s a rapper’s favorite type of cereal?
Snap, crackle, and RAP!
How can you tell an Asian guy is awake?
You can never tell.
One apple a day keeps the doctor away; not logging onto servers using management or service accounts keeps SecOps people away.
Build a man a fire, he will be warm for a day. Give him some Tfox merch, and he will be on fire.
What can you tell [is] the difference between Stephen Hawking and a carrot?
Nothing.
Are you a lightbulb, cuz you brighten up my day?
What do you call a Jedi that can use the force to fly?
A Jedi Flight.
What do you call snowmen having sex?
A snowjob.
What bounces up and down at 100 miles per hour?
A baby tied to the back of a pick up truck.
Your mum is so fat, she gets hit by a parked car!
We were at a restaurant today, and my dad was talking about a place called Sea Ranch.
I asked, "What do they raise there? Sea horses?"
How did Peter Parker get caught as Spider-Man?
Well, he weaved a really tangled web, and Aunt May saw it.
Katie Price's answer for everything is darkness.
She isn't a dull person, but playing eye spy with my little eye with Harvey is just way too easy.
The other day I lost all my crayons.
I just wish I had a shoulder to cray on.
What is Beethoven's favorite vehicle?
A van.
What's between a wife and a husband?
A divorce.