Aed jokes
Free will is like having a vagina. You don't need to know how to use it, and you don't need to know what it does, but what matters is that you have it.
What’s the difference between a mushroom and a tree?
One's a fucking tree.
Why did lil Timmy drop his lollies?
He was hit by a train.
Good morning, madam. I am from the local council. Can you please tell me if you have a dog license for that poodle you have on your head?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Europe.
Europe who?
No, you're a poo.
A man walks into a library.
Man: "Hello ma'am, do you know where I can find a book on suicide?"
Librarian: "Do you know about our return policy?"
Suicidal Man: ...
Librarian: ...
The Woman checking out a book: "WHAT THE FUCK?"
When you end up pregnant...
Mom told me if a boy touched my breast I should say "DON'T," and if he touched me down there I should say "STOP." But Dad, he touched me both places at once so I said, "DON'T STOP! DON'T STOP!" 😂
What do you call a dictatorial cow?
Moosilini.
What's the difference between a bird and a fly?
A bird can fly, but a fly can't bird!
My girlfriend's a two, but she's turning three tomorrow.
I pushed a handicapped orphan out of his wheelchair. Who is he gonna tell, his parents?
A doctor fell into a well and broke his collarbone.
The doctor should attend the sick and leave the well alone!
What's the difference between depression and a girl?
XXXTentacion can't seem to beat depression.
My dog was hungry, so I let him loose outside while I filled his bowl.
I found out later that he was run over by a truck. It seemed to really hit the Spot.
Can orphans eat at a family restaurant?
How do you get 100 Pikachus on a bus?
- Pokémon
We have life. I hope we have life. We have God in Jesus Christ. This is a good thing. It is a song part.
NASA is going to probe Uranus, and it might take a while to get there.
Two Australians walk into a bar. They run into the ceiling fan immediately.
What is the difference between a tree and a school?
A school is for kids, and a tree is for birds.