Aed jokes
What gets wetter as it dries?
A towel!
What can you break, even if you never pick it up or touch it?
Answer: A promise.
Dad: Alive.
Brother: Orphan (fault=Mother).
Me: Dead on the inside but sadly alive.
Mother: Alive...
Wait a minute... I thought you were dead, Mom... Right, you're dead to me at least.
Treon: I don't care about Vorkie.
Amber: You should, she could be a great person for the company.
Treon: We don't need another one, we got 100 people in here, no need. Now, Amber, please just go make yourself useful.
Amber: Fine!!!!!
I've heard stories of my mother. She was a teenager and left me in the blender, but luckily the power cut out, like at the orphanage.
What has a tail, a head, but no body?
A coin.
How do you throw a space party?
You plan-et! Hahahaha, get it?
You see a boat filled with people, yet there isn’t a single person on board. How is that possible?
All of them are married!
A man dies of old age on his 25th birthday. How is this possible?
Answer: He was born on February 29.
"I know, you have a lot on your plate right now."
Why did the stick fall?
Because he is a stick man.
What do you call a dick with three eyes?
Preston.
I just bought a book about lamps...
So I can do some light reading over the weekend.
Q: If there were two moo cows walking down the street, where would they be going?
A: Home to see their mama!
A rhombus.
Two kids told their parents they saw a man late at night entering their house on Christmas night.
The day later, they found out several houses were robbed.
What do you call multiple quintuplets that look the same?
Naruto's mom.
Kid finds genie lamp, wishes to be Batman.
Genie: You're now an orphan.
How do you make a child’s parents happy?
Put the child to sleep.
My sister is really disrespectful, and her famous words are, "You're not my parent!" The next time she says this, I'm going to respond back with, "You're right, because I would have worn a condom to protect from you being born unlike my dad did!"