Aed jokes
A kid decided to burn his house down.
His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, "That's arson."
Why can't a Leicester fan pull girls? He can only do the fox trot.
300? You are a 3.0.
One day, a lady and her husband were talking and it was time for dinner. He got up and sat at the dining room table, and the lady brought the plate of food in and she sat it down in front of him. "What's this?" he said. The lady said, "A piece of shit...honey! Want some water to drink?"
Me walking away after committing murder in a school with my trusty “friend”.
What’s the difference between your wife and a light switch?
I don’t turn on a light switch.
I saw my midget neighbor at a bus stop.
"Jump in, I'll give you a lift home," I said.
"Bugger off!" he shouted back.
"What an ungrateful little man," I thought as I zipped up my backpack and continued my walk.
Your mom was so fat that she couldn't have a man and couldn't go through the door.
I'M JOKING, DON'T GET MAD!
Your mom uses the equator as a belt.
Yo mamma so dumb that she jumped off a building after drinking Red Bull.
Yo mamma so poor that when we went on a date, she took off her shoe laces and said "spaghetti."
Orphan: "I get all the A pluses and y'all bad!"
And then I told him: "If you feel so special, try telling your parents. You can't, can you?"
Russia is worse than the USSR.
Russia is just a bonerless USSR.
At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?”
“Why should it?” answered her spouse. “I keep telling them it’s for you.”
What do you call someone who has sex with foals, calves, and lambs? A Quadrupedophile.
Mommy, mommy! Do we own a sweatshop?
Shut up and keep sewing!
You’re looking pretty rough this evening. You look like if sweatpants were a person.
I can't walk, I can't talk, but I can drive a wheelchair.
Stephen Hawking was a bit of a hardcase. He didn't let people push him around.
At least he always has a shoulder to cry on.