Aed jokes
I like to commit arson as a recreational activity, you?
"Terrorist, that’s a little strong. We call them private militaries."
What does a beaten woman do when she comes home from the hospital?
Dishes if she knows what's good for her health.
Why is a group of Uchiha not called the Sharingang?
Why?
Because they're all Sharing... GONE :)
You may have a footlong, but I have a SHENLONG. :)
My crush's best friend came up to me and called me my crush's dog 🐕, so then I say, "Wow, you're an ass for calling me a bitch." He then looks at me wide-eyed, and I just walk away.
Everyone makes mistakes. Like my mom, she made a mistake 13 years ago.
Person: What's your perfect date look like?
Me: Oh, just hanging around in a tree.
Global warming will kill every single person on this planet.
It's a good thing I'm married.
For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:
Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."
Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."
Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."
Have you seen the Justin meme?
Yeah, the ones that cracked at Fortnite?
Just-in time for deez nuts.
Bruh.
But actually, it's a parody.
Wait, actually?
Parodiesnuts (pair of deez nuts).
It's important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between "antidote" and "anecdote," one of my best friends would still be alive.
A boy couldn't walk normally because his pants were huge, and when he went to school, the people there made so many jokes about him that he died.
IT'S NOT TRUE, JUST A FAKE JOKE, DON'T WORRY!
I ate a man because he was dead!
So there is someone who doesn't know what an armadillo is.
He then sees one. He asks it a question, "What are you?"
The armadillo replies, "Armadillo."
The person says: "What's a dilo?"
Best pick up line EVER.
There is an app on your phone called ringer. Go into it. There is a 12 to 15 digit number. Enter that into my phone, my dick will get 12 to 15 inches longer.
According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form contains only four lines:
1. What was your income for the year?
2. What were your expenses?
3. How much have you left?
4. Send it in.
What shouldn't you ask an emo?
"Do a wrist reveal."
Why didn't the octopus get a tent? Because it had tentacles.
You know I would make a deaf joke, but I don't think they would hear it.