Aed jokes
Guys, my sister's pregnant!
I'm finally a dad!
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Where you left it.
When is it acceptable to hit a dwarf?
When he dances with your wife and says her hair smells nice...
A guy is at home and he's about to go get a physical at the doctor's office. When he gets there, the doctor says, "Brian, you're going to have to stop masturbating." He asked the doc why? The doc said, "So I can examine you!"
Dr. Seuss died September 24, but that was a lie. Dr. Seuss, when he was 97, he stole a plane and the last rhyme he did was “up in the sky so very far he comes, Dr. Seuss allahuakbar.”
Memes
When a military person dies, we shoot all night. When a drunkard dies, we drink all night. When a Christian dies, we pray all night. What if a prostitute dies? What should we do? Please tell me.
Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar? Because she heard the drinks were on the house.
You take care of chickens. Does that make you a chicken tender?
In my mother's generation, they grew up with Wonder Woman. In ours, we have to wonder if she's a woman.
One Erection would be a very nice name for a gay band.
What do JFK’s killer and a prostitute have in common?
“They both blow heads.”
You know, eBay sucks. I was looking for a lighter, and it gave me 18,906 matches.
Your mom is so ugly that when she went to rob a bank, they had to turn the cameras off.
Even a psychopath is sympathetic when an onion self-harms!
Dark jokes are like a new day. Suicidal people don't get it.
What's the difference between a hooker and a mosquito?
The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
What do you call a depressed person holding a knife?
Freedom yay! (so funny ikr)
So I ran into a woman the other day who says her vaginas is like a lottery ticket. She said it's because you have to be lucky to hit it... I thought it's because she was always scratching it.
Q. What's the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid? A. One has a functioning neck.
A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."