Aed jokes
Why can't you solve a murder in Alabama?
All the DNA is identical and there are no dental records.
What do bees brush their hair with?
A honeycomb.
Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you.”
Person I’m talking to: *Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline* “haha what.”
What do you call two Mexicans at a country restaurant? "Two beaners in a cracker house."
What do you call a gay drive by?
A fruit roll up.
Memes
I want to make a joke about Kobe, but it won't land well.
There was a cannibal who had a wife and eight kids.
Yesterday, a clown held the door open for me. It was such a nice jester!
What is the most popular fish in the ocean? "A starfish."
A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man's wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said:
"I have good news and bad news."
The wife said: "What's the good news?"
"We managed to save his arm."
"What's the bad news?"
"We couldn't save the rest of him."
In the morning, I become a cereal killer.
What's a lesbian's favorite type of food?
Finger-food.
My friend can't afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, "Get well soon."
What do you call a Mexican Baptism?
Bean Dip.
What do you call a Russian tree?
Dimitree.
Father and mother are making love in the bedroom. Mother is on top of father. Suddenly, the son enters the bedroom. Everyone is embarrassed, of course.
The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says, "I'll tell you about what you saw yesterday. You know, Dad has a big belly, and that's why Mom sometimes sits on top of that belly to push it flat." The little boy says, "But Mama, that does not make any difference." "Oh no?" the mom asks. "No," says the little boy, "When you go to work, the neighbor comes, and she puts herself on her knees for Dad, and she blows his belly up again!"
Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience...
Yo mama like a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everybody’s pants.
My boyfriend told me to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
Today my EX got trampled by a bunch of horses, and sadly I lost my job as a horse trainer.