Aed jokes
Why was the man fired from a calendar factory? He took a day off.
Never buy an epileptic kid light-up Sketchers.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to celebrate their marriage.
Nine months later, they happily had some use for their baby carriage.
Two years later, they went up again, then their daughter had a brother.
But one little secret that no one knew was that Jack and Jill share a mother.
Why can't you solve a murder in Alabama?
All the DNA is identical and there are no dental records.
Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you.”
Person I’m talking to: *Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline* “haha what.”
What do bees brush their hair with?
A honeycomb.
What do you call two Mexicans at a country restaurant? "Two beaners in a cracker house."
I want to make a joke about Kobe, but it won't land well.
There was a cannibal who had a wife and eight kids.
Yesterday, a clown held the door open for me. It was such a nice jester!
What's a lesbian's favorite type of food?
Finger-food.
My friend can't afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, "Get well soon."
What is the most popular fish in the ocean? "A starfish."
A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man's wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said:
"I have good news and bad news."
The wife said: "What's the good news?"
"We managed to save his arm."
"What's the bad news?"
"We couldn't save the rest of him."
In the morning, I become a cereal killer.
What do you call a Mexican Baptism?
Bean Dip.
What do you call a Russian tree?
Dimitree.
Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience...
Yo mama like a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everybody’s pants.
My boyfriend told me to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.