I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.
What does a robot do at the end of a one night stand? -- He nuts and bolts.
What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair?
Artifical Intelligence
What do you call a bee that lives in America. A USB
What do you call a necrophilic gangbang Cracking open a cold one with the boys
What’s the key to a successful relationship?
Consent.
My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex on a scale of 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, and she kept shouting “9!”
That's the best I've done so far.
Why are Americans so shocked when it comes to Mexican drug cartels?
Because none of the drug lords (or their associates, for that matter) have shot up a school.
A friend of mine loves to play Roulette, so I decided to introduce him to Russian Roulette. It blew his mind.
How is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping?
You’re dead if the rubber breaks.
How many Karen's does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one...to call 911 and demand a cop come do something about the intimidating blackness
I saw a sign that said “Watch for children” and I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade.”
My depressed friend said he wanted to jump off of a bridge but he didn’t wanna commit suicide. I told him if yhu jump and yell parkour, it’ll just be a failed stunt
What’s one of the worst motivational things to say to a suicidal person?
“Hang in there!”
I SH so much, even when i die and become a ghost, you can see red striped floating around the room.
Why buy a pregnant slave over a normal slave ? Buy 1 get 1 free 😂😂😂😂
Hey JFK, what would you do if you were in a fight?
JFK: Well, I'd give them a piece of my mind.
I just watched a documentary on marijuana. I think all documentaries should be watched this way.
Welcome onboard Sexist Airlines. Everyone please fasten your seatbelts now as we are switching to a female pilot.
How do you make a fruit punch? 🍎 You give it a pair of boxing gloves. 🥊
