Aed jokes
Donald Trump didn't build a wall because he likes going to islands to touch little girls.
What do you call a party planned by Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?
A high school pill party.
Roses are red, I have a confession:
A man kills best friend after 10hrs anal sex session.
Did you know that if you die you can still be a part of family game night!
All you have to do is have your family cremate you and put you in an hour glass, and the games that use hour glasses, well, you will be a part of family game night.
An orphan and a homeless man get into a fight, so he yells in a mirror.
Q: How are Clocks like Pedophiles? A: They both stop at 12.
What runs around a yard without actually moving? A fence.
Here's what to do if an annoying person keeps talking to you. First, ignore them until they ask you if you're going to respond. Then ask them: if they were walking down the street and a rabid dog suddenly started barking at them, would they get on all fours and bark back? After that, continue to ignore them.
Africa has every type of gun but one...
A water gun.
What did the science textbook say to the math textbook?
You've got a lot of problems!
What's the difference between an orphan and Daniel Larusso?
At least Daniel has a mom.
A man got pulled over, and the policeman had stepped out and said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
The man said, "I was trying to catch up with the traffic."
The officer said, "There is no traffic."
The man said, "Exactly, that’s how far behind I am!"
20 years later
Johnny: Hey dad.
Dad: Yea?
Johnny: Fuck you, I ain't comin' back to your grave in 16 years, then ima come back, BITCH!
Dad: Doing the same thing I did to you and your mother, ay? I deserve it :( ;O not real...NOT A FUCKING ALL.
Johnny: Yea you kinda fucking do.
Dad:...
Little Johnny: Hey, Dad, are you finally back with the milk?
Dad: Yea, but it's expired, so I'm going back to the "milk store" and get more (and not come back for a couple more years). :)
Once I was asked to perform snail jokes at a stand-up comedy night. I certainly snailed it because the crowd thought it was shellerious.
How does a train dance?
It bogies!
What's the slowest train in the world? A slow coach!
Q: Why did the emo kid get jealous on Xmas?
A: He saw the ornaments hanging.
A noose, a knife, a gun, and a razor blade look at a child who committed suicide after being bullied.
Everyone looked at the noose. The noose would say, "What? It wasn't my fault!"
My mom told me we were flying to a building to see my aunt. I wondered, "Are we about to relive 9/11?"