Aed jokes
Once I was asked to perform snail jokes at a stand-up comedy night. I certainly snailed it because the crowd thought it was shellerious.
How does a train dance?
It bogies!
What's the slowest train in the world? A slow coach!
Q: Why did the emo kid get jealous on Xmas?
A: He saw the ornaments hanging.
A noose, a knife, a gun, and a razor blade look at a child who committed suicide after being bullied.
Everyone looked at the noose. The noose would say, "What? It wasn't my fault!"
My mom told me we were flying to a building to see my aunt. I wondered, "Are we about to relive 9/11?"
By the law, you are not allowed to have a sick bird. That's ill-eagle.
Why did Stephen Hawking not believe in God?
Computers don’t really have a specific religion.
What do orphans do after they win a game?
Nothing, they have no one to play games with.
What did one twin tower say to the other? "Be back, I gotta catch a plane."
What do you call a dolphin in the woods? Dead.
What’s a squirrel’s favorite OTT? Nut-Flix.
What's a spider-man’s dream job? Web developer.
What do you call a rare fart in Egypt? A toot uncommon!
Who comes once a year and makes your kids cry?
Rapey Santa.
The Pope drives around in a glass box, or as I like to call him, a sniper's dream.
Good news, people! Michael Jackson is still alive. They found him hidden away in a goat pen with all the kids!
Anyone else think High School Musical would have been a better film with a school shooter?
I'm thinking about telling my daughter there's a ghost in the house. At least then I can wear a bed sheet at night and fuck her without her being suspicious.
The hardest part of picking up a hitch hiker is tying them up.