Aed jokes
My cousin called me ugly.
Well, I'm pretty sure 90% of her looks could be wiped away with a Kleenex.
Dmitri! Where's my vodka?
Mommy, mommy! Do we own a sweatshop?
Shut up and keep sewing!
What do you call a surprised Chinese man?
Ho Lee Fuk.
"What's your name, son?" the principal asked his student. The kid replied, "D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir." "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, "No sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk."
Your mom is so fat, it takes a year to turn around.
What is a pile of balls?
What are the four letters you don't want to hear from a dentist?
I C D K
My mother caught me jerking off and she told me to leave it out. I didn't know what she was doing but she grabbed my cock and started sucking. Then I found out on porn she was doing deep throat.
A couple of weeks later my dad caught me jerking off, I thought he would deep throat, but he just walked up to me and slapped my boner. I cried for 5 hours. Luckily my mum gave me a sloppy joe afterwards.
I'm Black, when a cop sees me, he shoots.
What did Sophie Brussaux's baby get every week?
A face full of sperm.
What is the main group of teens in West Side Story?
New York Jets.
What does a noisy chilli do?
It gets jalapeno business.
If you see a woman get raped, don't bother helping. After all, they are independent and need no man.
Cheer on the rapist if you want.
A dog was in the vet's waiting room and another dog asked, "What are you here for?"
"Well, my owner was looking under her bed for something while naked and I couldn't resist, so I mounted up and screwed her senseless."
"Oh, so you're here to get neutered?"
"Nah, I'm just getting my nails clipped."
An Eskimo was holidaying in New Zealand and while driving his rented car around the countryside it broke down. A bloke passing by offered to help, lifted the bonnet and said, "I know your problem, you blew a seal."
The Eskimo with a shocked expression retorted, "Yeah? Well you fuck sheep!"
What do you call someone who has sex with foals, calves, and lambs? A Quadrupedophile.
What is the true meaning of Christmas?
Stealing presents from orphans - a quote by Technoblade.
Why can't an orphan play football? Because they don't have a dad or mom.
It was my cousin's birthday and my mom said what should we get her? I said a rope.