Aed jokes
What's the difference between an orphan and a corpse?
One of them has someone to mourn them.
One day an orphan went to jail, and a big dude went behind him and said, "I want you." The orphan said, "Finally!"
Why is an orphan into worshiping Satan?
'Cause they get to call someone "master" and be freaky.
Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?
Kid: I don't know why.
Man: Because they have a family plan.
Kid: Well, I need to get another phone service now.
What's another nickname for a flat emo?
A copping boars.
(insert funny joke about a dick here).
Did you laugh? Be honest.
What's the difference between a hundred decapitated babies and a Ferrari?
I don't have a Ferrari in my garage :|
How do astronauts have a party?
They planet.
A kindergarten teacher was telling a story...
A kindergarten teacher was telling a story about a farmer walking around the farm talking to the animals. She was trying to get the kids to interact, speak up, and to use their imaginations.
"Mister Farmer stopped at the cow, and the cow said 'Morning, Mister Farmer!'. Susie, what do you thing the farmer said next?"
Susie says "He said 'Good morning Mrs. Cow!'"
"Mister Farmer stopped at the pig next, and the pig said 'Good morning, Mister Farmer!'. Johnny, what do you thing the farmer said next?"
Johnny says "He said 'Good morning Mr. Pig!'"
"Mister Farmer stopped at the chicken, and the Chicken said 'Morning, Mister Farmer!'. Billy, what do you thing the farmer said next?"
Billy says "The farmer said 'Holy shit, that chicken is fucking talking!'"
Would love to pound Sterling with a 14 lb hammer.
What 16 stoner rode a Derby winner?
Lester Piggott's.
My arms are just a different texture pack compared to my body.
What do you call a group of kangaroos? Gangaroos.
What do you get when you cross a pig with a cactus? A porkupine!
We sped up the cycle of life and death, we gave Eric and Dylan a shortcut.
As a son, I was starting to do pranks. I told my mom’s boyfriend that she cheated on him and she doesn’t want to be with him anymore, and I told him that my mom said that he had a small penis. He left my mom, and she was mad at me. I thought it was funny.
Then I told my friend’s girlfriend that he cheated on her with another girl, and the girl told me that my friend had a small penis. He found out and wanted to confront me in my house. I wasn’t home. My friend told my mom what happened. Then my mom said the same thing happened to me. I came home one day, I saw my mom giving my friend a blow job. I asked what’s going on. My friend told me, "Your mom is my new girlfriend," and my mom said, "This is the penis of my dreams."
On a scale of 1-10, how old was Michael Jackson’s last boyfriend?
I went 80 mph in a school zone and one of the speed bumps screamed, "Am I hallucinating?"
Why is there a hole in Uranus?
Do you know how to make 4 Albanians stand on a shoebox?
Just tell them that it floats.