Aed jokes

There are 3 men: an American, a French, and an Italian who have to take a trip and take the plane.

The American puts his hand out the window and says: "We are in America, I touched the Statue of Liberty." The French says: "We are in France, I touched the Eiffel Tower." The Italian says: "We are in Italy, I touched the garbage!"

A French, a German, and an Italian make a race to see who resists the most in a room full of flies. The French starts, and after a quarter of an hour, comes out.

Then goes the German, who comes out after an hour. Finally, the Italian enters and comes out after five hours.

The French: "But how did you do it?"

The Italian: "I killed one."

The German: "So what?"

The Italian: "And then they were all busy for the funeral!"

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a dead pedophile? Nothing.

A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.

But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let's hear" said the teacher.

"My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit." "She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife." "She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops." "She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."

Pin drop silence in the class!

"Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"

"Stay away from Mummy when she's drunk...!!!!"

A game that all orphans hate,

"Who's your Daddy?"

What does a pizza and a Mexican have in common?

One can feed a family.

A boxer talks with his fists.

Stephen Hawking talks with his wheelchair.

A woman asked Stephen Hawking to dance, and he replied, "I'm not much good, I have two left feet."

"Then how about Karaoke?"

To which he replied, "I have two left throats."

In 1492 Christopher Columbus sailed the ocean blue.

He sat on a rock, tickled his cock, until it turned red, white, and blue!

Being gay must be a pain in the ass.

Credit to omnom.

Is your mom a virgin?

Mine is.

How am I alive?

You tell me.

This dad went out hunting, he killed a deer. He came home and he and his wife decided to have it for dinner but not tell their kids. Instead, they made them guess. The dad said, "It's something that daddy calls mommy." The little girl yells to her brother, "Don't eat it! It's an ass!"

Life's a bitch, and then you die. I now see what they mean.

"What did we hit?"

"I don't know, a rock."

What's a shark's favorite sandwich? Peanut butter and jellyfish!

I was going to make alligator last night, but I noticed that I only had a crock pot.😅

Can you really wheel my real wheelchair?

Try saying that over and over fast. Bit of a tongue twister.

Stephen Hawking had a high I.Q., but still had to learn how to be disabled.

It puts a whole new spin on meals on wheels. No pun intended.

At least he always has a shoulder to cry on.