Aed jokes

How do you piss off a midget?

Give them a yo-yo and tell them to play with it.

What do you call two homeless people throwing rocks at each other?

A pillow fight.

What does a blowjob and a bonus check have in common?

Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.

Q. What do you call anal sex with a politician?

A. A backroom deal.

The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"

A vagina is like the weather. Once it’s wet, it’s time to go inside.

What’s long and hard and full of semen?

A submarine.

A man wakes up and asks his wife, “Are you okay? You were cursing me all night in your sleep.” The wife replies, “Who says I was sleeping?”

When slave owners can't get a girlfriend, do they MASTERbate?

In Jr. high, we all had to do a report on euthanasia. I misunderstood and wrote a report on how I'd really like a Korean girlfriend.

When a redhead commits a mass shooting, does the headline read, "Ginger snaps"?

Once a woman suspected that her husband was fucking their daughter at night. So she made a plan. That night, she gave her daughter sleeping pills and told her husband that you go to sleep, I have a headache and I will sleep on the sofa in the drawing room today. After everyone slept, she picked up her sleeping daughter and laid her on the sofa and went to her bed and lay down. After an hour, the door of the room opened and one man entered the room and jumped on the bed and fucked her intensely for 2 hours. Then she turned on the light with the bed switch and said, "You definitely didn't expect me." "I definitely didn't expect you, MOM! But you are more delicious than sister"! Her son replied in surprise!

What's the difference between a gay rooster and a straight rooster?

Straight rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-doo."

A gay rooster says, "Any cock will do."

A school shooter enters a kindergarten classroom. Little Timmy says, “He’s my daddy!”

The teacher, Mr. Mortez, screams. Little Timmy then says, “Mr. Mortez, my daddy says you’re a big fat whale and he wants to roll you all the way to Canada!” *pushes Mr. Mortez* Little Timmy says, “Hail f**king Canada!”

A kindergarten teacher asks her students, "Do you know any words that start with P?"

Little Timmy responds with, "Elmo."

Yo mama so Irish that she thought the Chicago Shamrox were a Quadball team.

What does a burnt pizza, cold beer, and a pregnant woman have in common?

Someone didn’t pull it out in time.

What do you call a flooded hospital?

Vegetable soup.

What do black parents and elevators have in common?

Neither of them can raise anything without a belt.

What do you call two guys fighting over a slut?

Tug of whore.