Aed jokes
What's the difference between your mom and a laundromat washer?
The washer doesn't take loads for free.
What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A Democrat will keep screwing you when you run out of money.
Roses are red, I need a broom, I just shit all over the bathroom.
I’m not saying my life’s a joke. I’m saying it’s the punchline no one asked for.
I asked for emotional support. They handed me a mirror and said, "Talk to someone who cares."
I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.
I bought a coffin on Black Friday. It was a killer deal.
What's the difference between a child and a cancer diagnosis? At least the cancer grows up and leaves eventually.
I have a friend who's a suicide bomber. He's a blast at parties.
What's the difference between a joke and a tragedy? Timing.
I started a company making coffins. The slogan? 'We're dying to meet you.'
What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A prostitute will stop screwing you when you run out of money.
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.
What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?
When a bullet kills somebody, you know it's been fired.
Yo momma so slutty, she could use a tank truck as a dildo.
On September 11, 2001, I was in geometry class.
On that day, we learned you can remove one side of a pentagon by intersecting it with a plane.
Why didn't Michael Jackson have a girlfriend? He's afraid of women.
What's the difference between a sheet and a baby?
One of them is really loud when you iron it.
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?
A can't opener.
What has 2 or 3 hands and is always right twice a day when it is broken?
A clock.