Aed jokes
What do you call an orphan you put into a volcano with a wheelchair?
Hot Wheels.
Your forehead is so big you have to wear a hoodie for the Rock to see your ego because your forehead is so big.
Someone in my class yelled "Jenga!" while watching a documentary about the Twin Towers.
Why are the Twin Towers mad?
They are like pepperoni and cheese as a plane.
Her name was Lola.
She was a loner.
At the Copa.
Then I saw her,
And I got a boner.
The next morning,
She couldn't remember if I banged her.
Her Name was Lola. She was a loner. At the Copa I saw her And I just wanted to bone her!
Santa's sack is big because he only comes once a year, but his sack is SO BIG after containing the lovely eggnog he has that those weigh the sleigh.
He never had kids because he comes in the chimney.
Yo momma so stupid, when someone got cardiac arrest, she tried to put the person to court, and when the judge said "ORDER AT THE COURT," she thought it's a food court and ordered 20 Big Macs and got a heart attack.
She's so ugly, she has to sneak up on a mirror.
A kid came to the orphanage with a dead fish. She was crying.
Why was the kid crying in the orphanage? Because someone came for the fish.
I saw a bus the other day with some boy scouts at the back. One of them was having fun getting his knot-tying badge.
My friend dumped me, so I stole their wheelchair.
Have a guess who came crawling back?
They told me a mask was enough to get into the supermarket.
They lied, everybody else was also wearing pants.
A guy told me, "Nothing rhymes with orange."
So I replied, "No, it doesn't."
When I'm peeing in a toilet I don't pee directly into the water. I pee on the curved part of the bowl beside the water because I figure it splashes less, but when you're peeing that close to the edge, the sporadic tiny offshoots of pee become a greater threat.
I'm not sure if the accumulation of these offshoots is greater than the potential splashback from peeing mid-bowl. It's possible that I'm thinking about this too much, but it's also possible that I'm not thinking about this enough.
These two guys were texting each other.
Guy 1: How are you?
Guy 2: I’m great. The weather is lovely here. Guy 2: *sends picture of a flying spring*
Guy 1: ???
Guy 2: Springs in the air. :)
Why did Sally fall off the swing? "Why?" 'Cause she had no arms.
Why did Sally drop a broom? "Why?" 'Cause she had no arms.
Why did Sally go swimming? She didn't like not having arms.
Knock knock. "Who's there?" Not Sally, she hasn't come back yet.
Waluigi gets his Walu-weenie stuck in a vending machine!
A goose with no beak, and you eat?
Goose beak salad, file! :)
What does a depressed person say when they're happy?
"..."